7 Reasons to Fear Nature

When I was young, I was under constant pressure to "go outside". "Go play outside, you can't stay cooped up in the house all day" they would say, and I would snort derisively in their direction then continue my quest to defeat the emerald weapon (uh, I mean, kiss lots of girls). Now that I'm older, however, I realize that I made the totally correct decision all those years ago. Outside? No no, I knew better. I knew these 8 Reason To Fear Nature:

 

We Are Just Skin

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The next time you get a shower, take a look in the mirror at the sad lump of flesh before you. No claws, no protective scales, we don't even have fur to shield us from the sun. All we have is our big, intelligent brain, and that's only helpful when preparing for a fight. When attacked during a hike, you can't exactly beat a Mountain Lion to death with your frontal lobe.

 

It All Looks The Same

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Ever been lost in a city? It can be confusing, with it's unfamiliar street signs and landmarks. But anyone who's ever ever been lost in nature knows you aren't really lost. Sweeping deserts, vast expansive forests, Lord the Rings style mountains; without proper equipment we have absolutely no hope of navigating them. Even with proper equipment, we still have a good chance of ending up in the newspaper under the headline "Dumb Dumb Lost In Nature".

 

People Who Love Nature Are Terrifying

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 "Outdoorsy type" is just code for "Psychopath who finds a way to function in polite society".

 

Trust Our Ancestors

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Look around. Are we living in nature right now? No. Clearly, our descendants who made a conscious effort to build giant steel and cement safety-structures around themselves were onto something. If not, we wouldn't be here, and they would be in the stomache of some sort of primitive wolf-monster thing.

 

No Television

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It's fun looking at nature for about fifteen minutes, then the magic wears off and you get bored. This is going to be a bigger deal then you think.;

 

It Is Ever Encroaching

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"Nature" is the root word of "Natural". While man-made structures require upkeep, nature is constantly trying to return the planet back to its natural state of terrifying wilderness, etc. Nature is like a zombie, slowly creeping towards us, never stopping.

 

It’s More Afraid Of Us Than We Are Of It

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If this popular expression holds true, that much of nature is more scared of us, then the more fear we feel they will feel EVEN MORE fear, leaving us with an advantage no matter how terrified we are.

 

For what reasons are you scared to leave your apartment? Let us know in the comments!

 

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