7 Reasons Why My Dog Is Better Than Yours

All dogs are cool but my dog is especially awesome. She's so awesome that I'm willing to bet that she's BETTER than YOUR dog.

Here are some reasons why I think my dog is better than yours.

 

She Is A Cyborg

She has that lost dog chip implanted in her. While I do understand that that fact alone doesn't really make her a cyborg, I am hoping to rewire the chip so that she can shoot lasers out of her eyes, I just need to get a PHD in robotics, veterinary medicine and quantum physics. But after that!

 

She Is The Best Alarm Clock

She saves me money because I have yet to need to buy an alarm clock as my dog wakes me at 6 AM every morning by sitting on my chest and licking my head to remind me to give her her breakfast.

 

She Helps Me Finish My Dinner

She knows that a medium pizza is too small for me and a large is too big so she is more than happy to attack the pizza box and swipe a few pieces as I try to pay the pizza guy. What a sweetheart.

 

She Takes Care Of My Lawn

At 3:30 every weekday she sits by my front widow yelling (in dog talk) at the kids that are walking home from the school down the street. I imagine she is saying “get of off my lawn”.

 

She Makes Me Feel Better About Myself

She farts way more often than I do, and when I have company and accidentally let one fly - I can always blame her as she is a fart enthusiast.

 

She Is A Chick Magnet

She is the best wing-man ever. When we go to the park she will approach a sexy girl and sit down next to her - then raise her paw as if she wants to shake hands. It is all very cute but puzzling, as I have never taught her this, and she only does this to women at the park.

 

She Encourages My Laziness

If I am planning a day of video game play I will stock the fridge with soda and tie a wash cloth to the refrigerator door. On command she can open the door and fetch me a beverage. The only problem with this, is that she never closes the door and waits until I am engrossed in the game and then proceeds to eat everything on the bottom 2 shelves. In retrospect this was not a good trick to teach her.

Come to think of it, my dog is kind of smelly, fat and weird... but so are most of my human friends so all is well.

Why is your dog better than everyone elses? Tell us in the comments below!

Check Out Stoned Dogs