7 Things That Do NOT Go With That Dress
Accessorizing can be a real pain in the nards. Anyone who has ever accessorized or had serious nard pain (and lived) will tell you that. But it's important to make sure you've got the right item on to go with your dress. If you pick the wrong item to go with that dress and go to party, statistically speaking, you will be ejected from that party and forced live a life of toil in the forest. Some items though pretty much never go with that dress. Here below is a list of the items that, no matter how much you want to, you should not wear to accessorize with a dress:
1. A Michael Myers Mask
There are few dresses that a Michael Myers mask goes with. The dresses that it does go with will look ravishing if you accessorize with a Michael Myers mask, but they are so rare it's best just not to wear the mask at all.
2. An Angry Eagle
Most women think that having an angry eagle perched on their shoulder really makes their dress shine. But all it does is scare away potential suitors and leave deep claw wounds on your shoulder.
3. An Oversized Pot Leaf Belt Buckle
I know Oprah says this is the ultimate accessory, but it actually comes off as tacky.
4. Brett Favre
Wrapping Brett Favre around your neck like a shawl tends to have the opposite effect you're going for. It just makes people uncomfortable. Also, he loves to tickle, and it's not always an appropriate time to laugh.
5. Exactly Three Fish
It's fully OK to use fish as an accessory for dress. Four fish is fine, one really big fish is great. But don't ever use exactly three fish to accessorize with your dress, something about that number of fish with a dress just really pisses people off.
6. Dismembered Old People Hands
I know what Cosmo called the dismembered hands of elderly people the "ultimate fashion accessory" in 2007, but gals, it's 2011, so get with the times.
7. A Wolf That Came From Hell
Despite what you might have heard, Hellwolves never make any sense as a fashion accesory. If you really want to make a statement with a dress, accessorize with a sentient polar bear that walks on two legs and wields a scimitar, or a nice pair of earrings.
What else doesn't go with that dress? Let us know in the comments!