7 Things I Learned From Watching '16 And Pregnant'
I think we can all agree that this family is WRONG:
But WRONG can be very riveting television, which explains the success of MTV's hit reality show '16 and Pregnant'. The fourth season premiered last night and featured Mackenzie and Katie two teen girls who struggle to keep their dreams alive after stupidly getting knocked up. NEWSFLASH: Having a baby is hard, y'all! I would like to assume they'd never seen an episode of '16 and Pregnant' before, but since they obviously knew how to send in an audition reel, then I just wanna slap them upside the head. 'Cause if you've seen an episode of this show, there's one thing you should come away knowing, YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE 16 AND PREGNANT! Here are some other things you might have picked up.
Birth Control Apparently Doesn't Work With Dumb People
You honestly want me to believe that every teen yokel out there trying to git with a high school hoochie is using condoms but breaking them with his massive manhood? Yeah, I wasn't born yesterday, you must be thinking of your supervise baby! WHA?? I'll tell you how you get pregnant...YOU DON'T USE ANY BIRTH CONTROL AT ALL! I know, I know... the pill makes you fat, it 'just happened', condoms are weird. Guess what? Pregnancy makes you fat, it doesn't 'just happen', and I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure when a guy is faced with a choice between 'condom sex' or ' no sex' he'll start thinking with his penis and his brain FAST!
Teen Dads Can Be Real D*cks
Ladies. Did you really think the guy who coerced you into having sex without a condom was gonna be a stand-up guy once you told him you were with child? He will buy an Xbox in lieu of a box of diapers. He will leave you screaming on the side of the road. Or you could end up with an Adam, who will send you vile text messages slamming your post-pregnancy body, while he walks around covered in tats with classic d-bag facial hair. I predict daddy ish for all these poor little girls. Future cast of '16 and Pregnant: 2026' ?
Teen Moms Can be D*cks Too
I'm looking at you Amber Portwood! There are many irresponsible, spoiled teen moms on '16 and Pregnant', but Amber really holds the crown for being the d*ckiest of them all. Not only has she lost custody of her baby but she was arrested for beating the crap out of her baby daddy!! Oh and don't forget the stint in rehab. And the tanorexia. She's like a trashier version of Snookie and THAT is really saying something! Sidenote: I don't condone violence, but the picture above makes me laaaaaaugh.
Grandmas Ain't What They Used To Be
Is it any wonder that all these teens are getting preggo, after you see what gene pool they've sprung out of? This show is like a master class in bad parenting. I'm pretty sure Yolanda wrote her PhD dissertation on 'Banana-Induced Psychotic Breaks'. 30-something year old grandmas... I guess I'd have a psychotic break too if I had to live with that distinction.
Barbara Evans Is Hilarious
I will never understand why Janelle is such a f*ck up when she has Barbara Evans as a mom. I would be friggin' afraid to piss off that woman! She should be on every episode of '16 and Pregnant'. Or how about 'Jersey Shore'? I would love to see her take down those parasites! GET ON IT MTV!
Teens Trying To Be MILFs Leaves Me SMH
MILFs at normal mother ages, can be hot. Cause I guess they're not supposed to be anymore? But Teen MILFs are just pathetic. So please, Kianna stop taking mirror fail pics. In your case the F in MILF stands for FAIL. Although I guess sexy mirror pics are less fail-y than committing armed robbery. Don't get me started on Farrah's modeling career.
Kids Raising Kids...Good For TV, Bad For Life.
I do love this show, because of moments like the one depicted above. But then I remember that these kids will grow up and be released into the world one day. And sorry Bentley, but the world doesn't need more R.Kellys. Although peeing on someone does not lead to unwanted teen pregnancy...so there's that. I guess it's a step in the right direction?
What have you learned from watching 16 and Pregnant? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!