7 Thoughts Everyone Has When They’re Me Stalking My Ex-Boyfriend’s Insta

Everyone stalks their ex on social media. But also, everyone also stalks my ex on social media. How else are you going to find out what someone is up to without scrolling through their feed like an on-duty detective? It's not like it’s hard or anything. Here are the thoughts you think when you’re doing the totally relatable, totally normal, totally common activity of scrolling through my ex's Insta when you are me.

It’s late. Why am I not asleep?

For some reason, you’re up late at night stalking my ex-boyfriend on Instagram. It makes sense that you’d wonder, "Why am I up at 2 AM doing this? We didn’t even date!" But here you are, with Dennis’ Instagram pulled up! Life is weird, huh?

Wow, there are a lot of photos of this "Kelly"

Who the hell is "Kelly"? Does she think she’s better than me and/or everyone who’s not me who is also Insta-stalking my ex for some reason? She just looks so smug in all of those photos, like she’s saying, "I’m dating Dennis, not you or anyone else who happens to be going through Dennis’ social media activity for the past three years." Ugh. Kelly.

Why were they in Las Vegas together on July 31st?

Also, why did he caption it, "In Vegas with my girlfriend?" Does he think she’s his girlfriend or something? Everyone who Insta-stalks my ex knows that I’m Dennis' one true girlfriend, even though we broke up a year and three months ago. Literally everyone is thinking that!

I can’t believe he moved on so soon

Stalking Dennis’ Instagram can be emotional. It’s only natural that everyone would question why Dennis moved on so soon. Did he even care about me when we were dating? Does he miss me now? Everyone wants to know the answers, Dennis.

Ugh, I look so happy in this photo of us at Benihana from two and a half years ago

When going through my ex’s feed, everyone will come across a photo of me and Dennis having dinner when we were still together. Everyone can’t help but notice that we’re smiling, and think, "If he didn’t delete this photo of us, does that mean he still loves me?" Again, this happens to every single person who digs this far deep on Dennis’ account.

Will I ever be this happy again?

Everyone wants to know if I’ll ever know the feelings of love and joy. That’s part of the reason they social stalk my ex in the first place. Why else would a complete stranger be so invested in my former relationship?

What’s his problem?

Seriously, Dennis. Everyone wants to know, what’s your problem????

Do you know what Dennis’ problem is? Let us know on Twitter!