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8 Creepiest (REAL) Children's Books

Posted By: Desi Jedeikin on 10.17.11

Who knew the children's book section would offer some of the creepiest reading out there? Just in time for Halloween, here's a look at some books that are sure to leave you feeling more than a little disturbed. "WTF and Wrong" is now my favorite literary genre!

Love You Forever

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This is a 'sweet' book about a mom who loves her baby boy forever. She creeps into his room each night and snuggles up to him while she whispers, "As long as I'm living. My baby you'll be." Awwww! It is sweet, kind of, until years later when she climbs through his window in the middle of the night and holds a grown ass man like a baby. I'm pretty sure after the book ends, the son kills his mother and gives her the Chuck Testa treatment. I'm with the cat...he's totally like "I'm friggin' out of here"!

It Hurts When I Poop

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This is the frightening tale about a young boy who is afraid of passing a hard turd. Even more frightening is that one day a generation of kids who are so privileged that being scared to poop is their biggest childhood trauma will grow up and run the world. And on a side note, I'm not really sure what's going on with that dinosaur but it doesn't sit well with me.

Where Willy Went...

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This is the heart-warming tale of a sperm. Named Willy. He teaches children the importance of practicing. You see, his swimming training pays off when he comes in first place and wins the grand prize of his swim meet--victoriously burrowing into Mrs. Browne's 'lovely and soft' egg. I can only hope that there is no such thing as a Willy the Sperm stuffed toy. No one wants to see their little one giving big kisses to sperm.

A Scary Thing Happened

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Yes a scary thing did happen. Adults who supposedly have brains thought it would be cool to have children color pictures of planes crashing into the World Trade Center. This book seems more 'put you into therapy' than therapeutic.

I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much

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This is the story of a young girl named Lisa, whose holidays are ruined by the drunken antics of her Pop. I hate to think of the punishment some kid is is gonna get when her drunk dad finds this book and goes into a full-on rage! Remember to blame your well-meaning but pushy teacher! Drunk dads hate those!

My Kitten

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WTF! What child could get past this horrifying cover? Based on the cover alone I'm thinking something gruesome is going down. And heartwarming stories about dead-eyed girls who murder their kittens is my least favorite literary genre!

The Long Journey Of Mister Poop

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This lovely book follows the inspiring journey of an apple as it makes it's way down a digestive track until it reaches it's final destination--turning into a piece of caca. It then apparently puts on a beret before being eaten by a wolf. Yum! I guess dogs aren't the only canines who see a fresh turd and think "LUNCH!"

The Giving Tree

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I loved this book when I was a kid! Then I realized one day that the kid is a total a-hole who hacked the hell out of the tree until it was nothing but a stump. Which he then uses to sit on. Suddenly Shel Silverstein's author photo is looking a little more sinister and it looked pretty friggin' sinister already!

What are some children's books that creeped you out? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

Check Out Horton Hires A Ho And Other Inappropriate Children's Books!

Tags: books, children's, creepy

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72 Comments

Post new comment

mira9199

1 day ago

who names their sperm?!? and since when do sperm have goggles?!?

patacake123

1 week ago

My dad got "where willy went" for a gag gift at work and gave it to me and its a pretty nasty book for kids learning about how babies are made

Sdash

1 week ago

I think it's creepy in it's self that I've read or seen these books.

pokekris99

1 week ago

Love you Forever isn't that creepy.

DeathNoteAddict

2 weeks ago

@dolphinpuncher
lol, I didn't notice that before xD

DeathNoteAddict

2 weeks ago

Only ones I've read is the first and the last... First is pretty creepy xD Last, I don't really think the book is, but the picture of Shel, yeah.... xD

DeathNoteAddict

2 weeks ago

"It then apparently puts on a beret before being eaten by a wolf. Yum!" LOL xD

thebelovedbunghole

7 weeks ago

lol i remember love you forever, i may even still have it

iamdanik

8 weeks ago

I Love You Forever was always one of my favorites. How dare you.

Thedeadhavearrived

13 weeks ago

lmao i just read where willy went XD

lizlovescats

15 weeks ago

The kitten book is totally sooooo creepy! Just the look on the cat's face is creepy but the girl's face is even worse!

edwinsspaces

15 weeks ago

my mom found and gave me a book about how to make kids xDDD

cuttie533

16 weeks ago

HOLY FUUU my mom and dad got me and my little sis where willy went to teach us about sex!!!!!!LOL!!!!

primeminesterbeans

16 weeks ago

FOLLOW THESE STEPS 1. COVER YOUR MOUTH WITH YOUR HAND 2. WHISPER A WISH INTO YOUR HAND 3. POST THIS ON TO TEN OTHER COMMENTS 4. NOW LOOK AT YOUR HAND

Thebloo2

16 weeks ago

I have "Love you Forever" AND I LOVE IT!!! My fav book when I was little!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!

dolphinpuncher

16 weeks ago

Did anybody else read the author name wrong for I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much?
XD

Playerjjjj

20 weeks ago

Judith Vigna's parents must have been pretty stupid when they chose their new name(some couples take new names or combine their names when they wed.).... Or mabye just really drunk. :)

sofie.loves.smosh

20 weeks ago

I wonder what the name of Willy's friend at the end of his adventure

romulus12

20 weeks ago

you know good and well with a last name like vigna you won't be able to write a child appropriate book

vane_275

20 weeks ago

PICE OF CACA!!! I ROFL'd SUPER HARD!!! I CAN't GET IT OFF MY, THAT'S HALAIROUS!!!

iwantcandy730

20 weeks ago

My English teacher a couple years back read us "Love You Forever"(I was in middle school) I had to read aloud the section where the mom climbs into her grown sons window via ladder and holds him while he's asleep, and I ended up falling off my chair and laughing so hard I cried. My english teacher had no sense of humor, though, and I got detention (y)

Mercury Lacerda

20 weeks ago

that girl reminded me of CHUCKY ! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vektus

20 weeks ago

Just watch... one of these days it's gonna be Mailtime with Smosh... and there'll be a package. And inside... a stiffed Willy the Sperm toy. Just you watch.

bordum_always

21 weeks ago

ummmmmmmm.....ok

Giesji

21 weeks ago

What about "The Story of the Little Mole Who Knew it Was None of His Business"?
It was my personal favorite as a kid. Its about a mole who wakes up with a big turd on his head, and he'd like to know who made it. So he visits alle the animals he knows to ask them if they made the poop on his head, and they explain that it wasn't them because their poop looks different from the one on the moles head.
Cute story. You can even get a plushie of the mole with the turd on its head.

ilovesmoshimeanit

22 weeks ago

i read where willy went in sex ed!