8 iPhone Apps That Would Make Tons Of Cash

Being broke is for chumps/ninety-nine percent of the population. So how can dum-dums like us cash-in and make a few quick bucks? iPhone apps. Seriously, the internet is crowded with stories of people who had an idea, quit their job, programmed that idea, and sold it for less than a dollar a whole bunch of times. So, because I’m such a giving person, here are 8 iPhone Apps That Would Make Tons of Cash.

 

Who Are My Real Parents

iphone apps that make cash

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Simply snap a picture of yourself and upload it to the database. Give it up to an hour, and VOILA, parents matched*. *NOTE: Only works if parents are convicted felons.

 

Standard Bearer

iphone apps that make cash

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Do you have a bad habit of drinking too much and then waking up the next morning in bed with someone you would have nothing to do with while sober? Simply plug your standards into this app, then after having had too many Appletinis (my drink of choice) simply take a photo of the person you’re interested in, and Standard Bearer lets you know if you’re about to increase the amount of shame in your life.

 

The Cracked Screen

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Install this app on your friends ipad/iphone while they’re not paying attention to make it look as if the screen has a giant crack in it. Laugh as they weep uncontrollably, then remind them of it every single time they mock you for crying at Remember the Titans because SCREW THEM, MOVIES ABOUT RACE RELATIONS ALWAYS GET TO YOU!

 

The Heckler

iphone apps that make cash

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So, you’re at the “big game” but you’re worried that letting the refs/opposing coach/opposing players know how you feel will result in a strained voice? Well, simply activate “The Heckler” and it will randomly select cruel comments to shout. Comments range from “You suck” to “Die in a fire”. Customizable accents include “British”, “Cajun”, and “Congressman Joe Wilson”.

 

The Blowhard

iphone apps that make cash

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An app that just displays sayings that reinforce your opinion, no matter how uninformed you are. “Believe in yourself no matter what!” “You’re not wrong, everyone else is just unenlightened!” and “They’re just haters!”

 

Skynet’s B*tch

iphone apps that make money

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When the world’s computers become sentient and easily crush the pitiful human race, use this app to communicate with our cruel robot overlords and beg for mercy. It will do you no good, meatbag, but false hope is still some comfort.

 

Fake Sex Offenders Registry

iphone apps that make money

Perform a HILARIOUS prank on your friends by adding their name to this mock-sex offenders registry. Show it to people they’re dating! They’re parents! Parents of the children they babysit! Laughs will be had by all!

 

A Bomb

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Download this “app” by going to an IHOP parking lot at two in the morning, and receiving a package containing C4, witch you then “install” on your iphone by duct taping it to the C4 and a detonator. Then, “profit” by demanding millions of dollars, or you will blow up a hospital.

What schemes do you come up with to get rich, despite the fact you know they will all fail because you’re not good at anything? Let us know in the comments!!

 

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