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8 More Of The Creepiest (REAL) Kids' Books!

Posted By: Desi Jedeikin on 01.02.12

Dr. Seuss was as WTF as my childhood reading got. I feel completely gypped! You better believe my therapist is gonna hear about this!

Never Smile At A Monkey

(source)

I'm pretty sure the asterisk stands for "Or it will rip your F*CKING face off and then defecate on you as you lay dying." Just a guess.

Joined At Birth

(source)

Is this really so prevalent a problem that we need to educate children about it? I actually find the blonde boy's bowl haircut more disturbing. I mean the twins can't help it...he actually has a choice! I'd like to read a book about his life as an 8 year old future serial killer.

The House That Crack Built

(source)

I don't know about you, but I'm getting pretty sick of telling my little child friends the ins and outs of the crack cocaine business. They just won't stop asking! Well, fret no more! Tell those lazy so-and-so's to read about it their g-damned selves! This handy book takes you on an exciting adventure, from the cocaine fields of Colombia to the SAH-WEET mansion that the drug kingpin bought with all his crack earnings! Pimps and dealers! The modern day Firefighters and policemen!

Cooking With Pooh

(source)

I know, I know. But it's pretty disturbing that anyone in the children's book publishing biz let this title slide by. Eww...why'd I have to bring up sliding? Kind of makes me never wanna eat another brownie again, like ever.

It's Just A Plant

(source)

This is a book that helps you talk to your kids about marijuana. You know after they find your stash.

Cause you're like a good parent and all. Other than the whole marijuana thing.

Gay-Time Painting Book

(source)

I know gay used to mean happy...okay, I get that. So why is that kid happy about being rammed in the rear. And why is Farmer Creeper watching the ramming, while his hand is in his pocket?! I'M JUST ASKING!

Visiting Day

(source)

This book makes my heart hurt. I just hope this book prevents a little girl from having daddy issues and growing into a woman who ends up vying for a date with Bret Michaels on Rock of Love 11.

Latawnya The Naughty Horse, Learns To Say "No" To Drugs

(source)

Latawnya is a naughty horse who hangs out with other bad horses and plays 'drinking and smoking games'. I think they're kind of like reindeer games only without the awkward drunken Santa make-out session afterwards. SIDENOTE: This book has some of the most hilarious Amazon reviews ever.

Which one do you think is the creepiest? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

Check Out MORE Creepy Kids' Books!

Tags: books, children's, creepy, kids'

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67 Comments

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ChickensAreAwesome

6 days ago

Whoever wrote the horse one is racist. read the first review -.-

Smosh_Pit_Mosh_Pit23

7 weeks ago

Oh my gosh! The House That Crack Built is in my school's library!!! This is the house that crack built. This is the man that lives in the house that crack built. And so on and so forth. I love that book.

Smosh_Pit_Mosh_Pit23

7 weeks ago

botbot3415

7 weeks ago

Funny beast! Your all pricks! Accept Ian and Anthony

smoshiness139

8 weeks ago

so i saw the reviews for the horse thing and then went to the bottom of the page AND THEN i saw under ppl that viewed this item but this thing AND UNDER THAT IT HAD A BOOK CALLED: THE COLORING BOOK OF VAGINAS!!!!!! EEEEEWWWWW

n8dawg95

14 weeks ago

Ha that made me laugh so hard when I saw the last name of the author for Visiting Day is Ransome...like ransom. I have no idea what that book's about, but it just made me think of the dad getting just a little too attached with his daughter and then holding her for ransom or something.

MEAT MUNCHER

14 weeks ago

i like how thw horse says no to drugs instead of nay wich means no and horses say that anyways

GinjaNinja877

15 weeks ago

at least theres an "h" at the end of "pooh"

Theunknownbuttface

15 weeks ago

No more brownies for me

pizzabro55

16 weeks ago

WTF??????????????? Gay time painting book ?!? people are getting really close to being perves these days. oh yeah its f***ing Obama's fault go neut gingrich

i_OWN_your_FACE88

16 weeks ago

Went and read the reviews for the naughty horse book.... Freaking hillarious!

kittycatdance15

16 weeks ago

HAHA joined at birth thats awesome

tartface

16 weeks ago

So immature with ''cooking with pooh''... Very stupid reason to put it over there!

lunasoar

19 weeks ago

i like is justv a plant. its almost encouraging kids by saying. its hjust aplabt,it cant hurt u.....

C.Gasparini

19 weeks ago

Other books in the Pooh series are, "Brushing Your Teeth With Pooh" and "Fun Games To Play With Pooh".

AnimeVampireMus...

19 weeks ago

Haha I actually read "Latawnya The Naughty Horse" xD my teacher had it in her bookshelf and I was bored. Let me just say I wasn't bored for the rest of that class.

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Playerjjjj

20 weeks ago

gay painting time in rainbow colors (the title) ? Years ahead of it's time. :()

JackRussell111

20 weeks ago

LOL I read Visiting Day a long time ago

Skittles24

20 weeks ago

haha last one so funny

lilistlaurent

20 weeks ago

hahaha my little sister has the "cooking with pooh" book.

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20 weeks ago

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Pikachu35739

20 weeks ago

Desi, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POSTING THIS! This is hilarious. The Amazon reviews for "Latawnya The Naughty Horse, Learns To Say "No" To Drugs" is amazing and I put that page into my favorites so I could read them whenever I have a bad day.

Thebloo2

20 weeks ago

The scariest book that I want is the 2 heads one. The rest look like sh*t

Shay1

20 weeks ago

Gay-Time Painting Book-LOL!

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20 weeks ago

Hellolove63

20 weeks ago

bahaha I actually had the cooking with pooh one. It came with cookie cutters shaped like all the characters

paetonkristine

20 weeks ago

haha never smile at a monkeyXD

c4burger

20 weeks ago

I actually have the book cooking with pooh :D

smoshliz17

20 weeks ago

Lmao!!!!! Best one is pooh

theotherweasley621

20 weeks ago

OMG I HAD COOKING WITH POOH IT WAS THE GREATEST THING EVER.
It was like, sandwiches. But they had a truck load of sugar and stuff on it, like Honey, Peanut Butter, Chocolate, and whipped cream.
DIABEETUS.

ChuckTesta

20 weeks ago

Lmao i love them all...

ThreadEr

20 weeks ago

Cooking with pooh? I would love to cook with pooh ^.^ and I would wear my Winnie The Pooh hoodie while doing so =D (yes, I really do own a Winnie The Pooh hoodie) xD

kittylove9175

20 weeks ago

on the last book, i went 2 amazon.com to see the reviews, and im just scrollin down, and i see what customers who viewed the book also viewed, and one of them was called The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas.......... O.o WTF is wrong with these people???!!!!

Rainbow spider

20 weeks ago

Funniest one is cooking with pooh WTF the house that crack built XD hahahahaha

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6SmosheR6

20 weeks ago

Wtf, the last one??? Little horses don't even know what drugs are.... I think

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20 weeks ago

Cooking with pooh xD gay-time painting book XD

NerdOfHyrule

20 weeks ago

lol, "go the f**k to sleep can be a childrens book thats messed up. from the guy who drew its just a plant, i might not be a book really for children. but samuel jackson read it....