8 Most Offensive Breastaurants!

Hey have you heard the news? Breastaurant's are now one of the fastest growing restaurant categories in the U.S.A. What's a breastaurant, you might be asking? It's like Hooters but with a different boob euphemism as it's name. Places with names like, for real, "Mugs 'N Jugs" and "Twin Peaks." Whatever happened to having a nice sandwich without a pair of DD's up in my grill? I talked to my friends at the Official Restaurant Naming Association of the World (which I think is real and not fake), and here are a few breastaurants (or teeteries, as they are known in the industry) that we can look forward to in the next few years.

 

Chimichangas!

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Chimichangas was a hard name choice. They ALMOST went with "Tamales" or "Fajitas," which just sounds kind of gross. The mustache is a nice touch though, although it might cut down on how much dudes tip...

 

Moo Moo's Shake Shack

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Boobs make milk. And they shake. WE GET IT!

 

Motorboat's Bar And Grill

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At this seaside dive, you can motorboat your way right up to the front door. There’s plenty of dockside parking! Diners at this breastaurant will enjoy their crab cakes served by a lady with what they are calling "floaters."

 

Mountains And Molehills

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Well, at least the molehill girls are getting a little recognition, but this is still ridiculous. They say they have "something for everyone" but they have NO vegan options, so I bet they are talking about boob sizes. Jerks.

 

Knockers Schnitzel Haus

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"The finest German meats in town!" is a great slogan, I grant you that, but the Germans ALREADY have enough negative stereotypes to deal with. We don't need to add "busty pretzel server" to the list.

 

Cupcakes

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Cupcakes? Really? Can't girls have one thing we like that isn't sexualized? No? Ok then.

 

Jugs Juke Joint

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They serve you drinks in jugs, brought by girls with jugs. Very subtle!

 

TaTa's Trattoria

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I don't mind Jwoww cashing in on her fame, but couldn't she do something classier? (HAHA, that's a joke. This IS classy for JWoww)"Massive meatballs" are on the menu like 6 times. WE GET IT.

So what do you think of the whole Breastaurant hubbub? And I wanna hear your funny ideas for a breastaurant in the comments!

 

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