8 Types Of People Facebook Always Suggests That You Friend
Have you ever seen someone that Facebook has suggested you friend and thought to yourself "Yes! I've been looking for you FOREVER, long lost bestie!" YOU HAVE? I haven't. Mostly just seeing those faces in the 'People You May Know' section leaves me enraged, annoyed or depressed. Here's the eight types of 'friends' Facebook is always trying to shove down my throat. The extra-depressing thing is coming to terms with the fact that I am probably one of these types to someone else.
People You Hated From High School
Hey look, it's the mean girl from high school who stole your babysitting money! Yeah, not cool, Facebook. Unless she's gained 50 pounds or has a glass eye due to an unfortunate yachting accident, I'm not interested in seeing how great her life still is. A better friend suggestion for her would be karma. Mmmmkay?
'Mistakes' You're Trying To Forget
It must've been nice in the olden days when your mistakes could be permanently removed by a brain cell obliterating drinking session. Thanks Facebook, but no, I do not want to reconnect with someone I should've never connected with in the first place.
I do not wanna be friends with a porn-looking girl, your cat or a big-time celebrity who is apparently completely non-discriminating when it comes to accepting friend requests from everyone I know or is NOT REALLY THAT CELEBRITY. Don't even get me started on the people who create a faux celebrity account just so they can say they're married to Gregory House. That's crazy. Besides, if anyone is faux married to that fictional Vicodin-addicted bad ass doctor, it's me. I'm just too lazy to open a fake account.
The Black Sheep Of The Family
Boy is it sad to see the family reject's crazy-a** profile pic staring at you from your sidebar. But every time I start feeling sad for them I just think of all the messed up things they've done, including the time they freaked everyone out by taking huge dumps in the litterbox and blaming them on Mr. Butterworth! If you're dead to the family cat, you're dead to me!
People Who Are Already Annoying You On Your Friends' Walls
You already 'know' these people from seeing them on all of your friends' walls. You feel guilty hating someone who seems to love friendship so much, but what can you do? Haters gonna hate. The scariest thing is knowing you're being suggested to them and it's only a matter of time before you'll have to ignore their friend request.
Someone You Have Numerous Mutual Friends With But Have Never Heard Of
What makes Facebook think I wanna be friends with a complete stranger? There's gotta be more to a friendship than just mutual Facebook 'friends' and the fact that we both attended the University of Sexiness.
People You’ve Unfriended
Isn't there some algorithm that can protect me from seeing people I unfriended? Get on it science! That sh*t makes me feel bad. But not as bad as seeing...
People Who Unfriended You
Screw you, friend suggestions! I thought I was friends with that person until I saw them here! I would've noticed sooner if I hadn't hidden them from my wall! The unfriending that comes from a d-bag you loath is the unfriending that hurts the most. This is what I get for being fake nice.
What types of people is Facebook always suggesting you friend? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!