8 Worst Voicemail Messages You Can Get from a Best Friend
We all like to hear from our best friends. We want to know how they’re doing, what they’re up to and when we can see them again. But sometimes a little silence would be a lot better than to receive one of the following voicemail messages from them.
“I know you asked me to keep it a secret.”
With just ten little words not only will you realize whatever convenient/crucial lie you spun has just horribly unraveled but also that within just ten little seconds you will be receiving another voicemail from someone else screaming “How could you?!” “Did you think I wouldn’t find out?!” or “I should have known someone from Long Island couldn’t come from British royalty!”
“Quick question—how much money you got?”
Whenever the possibility of cash is brought up before the reason for such cash, it’s because a) The caller has a “sure-fire” business plan that a professional investor would never look at twice, b) The caller is in such financial dire straits that you will never get your money back or c) The caller has a gun to his head and you wish you never let him make you his emergency contact.
“I need a place to lie low.”
Depending on the level of screaming panic (or cautious whisper) it’s said—and the number of yelling voices (or ricocheting bullets) you hear in the background—this message could mean anything from “I had a fight with my vengeful boyfriend/girlfriend” to “I had a disagreement with the vengeful Yakuza/Mafia.”
”We need to talk.”
Sometimes the briefest messages can have the most lasting consequences. Variations include “Call me immediately,” “I can’t do this over the phone,” “You can’t avoid me forever,” “Come alone and unarmed,” “Next time you get a ransom note respond” and “Turn around. Slowly.“
A voicemail from a drunk friend can often be funny. But just as many times it can mean you having to call that drunk friend back more than once to get them on the phone, followed by several minutes of trying to find out where they are, followed by going to that bar/party/atypical church group meeting, followed by you spending the next hour trying to get them to leave because they’ve had too much to drink, followed by them throwing up things they ate as a child on your shoes, in your car and over the entire ride to their house.
“What did I do last night?”
When you left your friend that night everything seemed perfectly fine. But the next morning you awake to a message in which not only does your friend seemed confused and concerned but in the background you hear a ship’s horn despite the fact you both live in a land-locked state, farm animals despite the fact you both live in the city or the rattling of leg manacles despite the fact you both tend not to frequent dungeons.
“It’s about your car.”
Sadly, no one ever borrows your car and then later leaves this message so they can follow it up with “I had a friend help me turn it into the Batmobile,” “I drove it up to 88 mph and found out it can travel through time” or “Did you know you had this much cash and diamonds in your glove compartment?”
“I’m calling from the Center for Disease Control.”
And with that one little voicemail message you realize your days as a non-quarantined, non-walking contagion, non-constantly secreting individual have come to an end.
What's the worst voicemail you've ever received? Let us know in the comments!