9 Big Problems All Short People Deal With
I’m 5’1.5" with no shoes on. I’m short. I get it. But do you? Let me shed some light on just nine of the problems short people have.
1. The Jokes
We’re hobbits, your knees look great, we all have Napoleon complexes, you want to make a joke about short people but you don’t want to stoop to our level — these jokes make my eyes roll so far back in my head that I can see my brain cells screaming and dying. We have heard every joke in the book more than three times. WE ARE SICK OF IT. YOU ARE DONE, OVER, CANCELLED. Which leads me to my next point.
2. No One Takes Our Anger Seriously
Holy sh*t, it’s almost like you so associate us with children and mythical potato-eating entities that our anger seems cute to you! EXCEPT IT’S NOT. Never underestimate a short, angry person. We will PHYSICALLY FIGHT YOU AND WIN. Because guess what, fam? Being short and closer to the ground means we have a lower center of gravity and all you tall asshats that think it’s funny to ruffle our hair or use us as arm rests HAVE ANOTHER THING COMING.
3. We Can’t Stand in Pools
At least not without fear of drowning. And who wants to be known for drowning in the 5 ft section of the pool?
4. Clothes Don’t Fit Properly
Our pants are too long, our sleeves are too baggy, and sometimes our socks are too big. AND NO I WILL NOT BUY CHILDREN’S SOCKS.
5. We Can’t Reach Sh*t
Everything I want is on the top shelf. WHAT DID I DO TO HURT YOU, SHELF? WHAT DID ANY OF US DO?
6. We Can’t See at Concerts
I didn’t shell out this much money so I could stare at the back of people’s heads. And the fact that they get upset when we want to stand in front of them? YOU CAN STILL SEE.
7. We Can't Use the Sun Visor
I can’t even count how many times I’ve been too short for the sun visor in a car to be effective. I guess I’ll just be blinded by the sun and crash and die. Thanks, height.
8. Hugs Can Be So Awkward
Especially when someone tries to give me a side hug and my face ends up in their arm pit. Not cool, y’all. P.S. Don’t give us a head pat with the hug. It’s weird.
9. Trying to Walk Next to Tall People
All you tall people with your long ass legs need to be way more considerate when you’re traversing the streets with your short friends. I have to take like, four steps to match ONE of your steps.
Do you have short people problems? Let me know on Twitter!