9 Surprising Ways The World Could End

Survivalists are currently preparing for the Armageddon next year. I applaud them for being so practical, but I’m worried that they’re not considering every possibility. While they’re getting ready for war, plague, famine or global warming, they’re doing nothing to prepare themselves for iguana rain or any of the rest of these lesser-known doomsday scenarios.

Do yourself—and your favorite survivalists—a favor and forward this important article to all your Facebook friends. You have been warned.

 

Scenario 1. Zombies, Zombies, Zombies

Even though the world will most likely end from a zombie attack, this scenario is still worth mentioning. The only real mystery is the source of zombification—will it be from a biological warfare agent? Alien zombie rays? Demonic possession? Radiation? Nanobots? Whatever the reason, you’re going to need an automatic rifle and a chainsaw.

 

Scenario 2. Iguana Rain

Trillions of giant iguanas will fall from the sky over every country in the world. Although many people will be crushed to death in the initial onslaught, the world won’t actually end until the iguanas have stripped the planet of vegetation, destroying the ozone layer and rendering Earth inhospitable for all life forms, including (ironically) the iguanas.

 

Scenario 3. The Hamster Dies

At the age of 16,269,123,446 years old, the hamster powering the rotation of the Earth dies while running in his hamster ball. But before Bruce Willis can journey to the core with a replacement hamster, the Earth spins off its axis and collides with the moon.

 

Scenario 4. Sarah Palin Is Elected President

After Palin is elected in 2012, she travels to North Korea for peace talks. When she attempts to use her Korean language skills to compliment Premier Choe Yong-rim on his shiny comb-over, she instead tells him she’s planning a nuclear attack. Two days later, the North Koreans bomb the U.S., setting off a chain reaction of nuclear warfare that results in the end of all life on the planet.

 

Scenario 5. The Law Of Gravity Breaks

If gravity stopped working, we’d all be screwed. Things would be fine as long as we stayed inside—although it’ll be tough to drink upside down—but as soon as we tried to go outside, we’d float up and fry in the earth’s atmosphere. Also, there are no toilets on ceilings. 

 

Scenario 6. Biogenetically Engineered Pterodactyls

Scientists will recreate pterodactyls from DNA and bioengineer them to shoot death rays from their eyes, making them perfect for air-to-ground combat. But the pterodactyls will be pissed of for being dead for a gajillion years, so they’ll hunt down and incinerate every last human, even the hot chicks, just to prove a point.

 

Scenario 7. Aliens Colonize Earth

In 2015, we’ll find out that Stargate was real when the TV prop, gathering dust since the show was canceled, suddenly comes to life. Aliens will use it to travel here from Venazaflax, their dying planet. After they subdue us and take control of Earth, they’ll force the remaining humans back through the Stargate and send them to planet Zeist. Kinda like Half-life 2. 

 

Scenario 8. Tea-Time For The Gods Gets Rained Out

The giant super-beings who have been playing croquet with our universe for the past 6.5 gazillion years see that a storm is coming, so they go back in the house, leaving their tea, cake and croquet balls out in the garden. When the planets stop rotating, the universe implodes.

 

Scenario 9. Xiao Mei Goes Bad

After Full Metal Alchemist’s producers cancel the show, May Chang’s favorite panda will fight her way out of the anime world and become flesh and blood to exact revenge for her friend’s death. Xiao Mei will then clone herself 1,000,000 times, arm all the panda clones with Uzis, and go on a killing spree. When the panda army has destroyed every human on earth, Xiao Mei will build a spaceship and destroy the rest of the universe.

How do you think the world will end? Tell us in the comments!

 

Think you’re ready for the end of days? Read 10 Things To Pack For The Apocalypse to make sure