9 Things You Didn't Know The Ancient Egyptians Invented

You might know that the Ancient Egyptians invented paper, pyramids, clocks and locks, but I bet you didn't know they also invented prosthetic body parts, like this wooden toe found on the Pharoah Tabaketenmut.

Here are a few other things you might not know the Ancient Egyptians invented.

 

1. Super Mario Brothers

Not only does this hieroglyph prove that the Egyptians invented Mario, but also that they invented the mushroom. And Stars. I wonder if Egyptians invested friendless gamer nerds, too.

 

2. The Bangles

Ancient Egyptians traveled forward in time to create the 80s girl band, The Bangles, who sang "Walk Like An Egyptian." We're not sure where they went when the 80's ended and no one cared about the Bangles anymore. One scientist thinks they went back in time, possibly taking a Wii with them.

 

3. Madonna's Cone Bra

Madonna's bra designer used the architectural principles the ancient Egyptians invented when they build the pyramids to construct Madonnaís cone bra. I suspect they injected Madonna with immortality fluid, too.

 

4. The Shower Wrap

Inspired by Egyptian loincloths, the "shower wrap" is their one embarrassing invention fail. Yes, loincloths looked nice on ancient Egyptian, but they look just plain dorky on 21st century douchebags.

 

5. Hefewizen

The ancient Sumerians may have invented beer, but the ancient Egyptians invented Hefewizen, and pint glasses too, for that matter. I'm just not sure what the guy with the bird head did with the beer. Do birds even drink beer? A drunk bird would be hilarious.

 

6. The Food Pyramid

The ancient Egyptians were very concerned about eating a healthy, balanced diet, so they created the food pyramid still used today! They invented it to make sure people knew they should only eat one pharaoh per day.

 

7. Facebook

People think Mark Zuckerberg invented Facebook, but it's just not true. Archeological evidence suggests that ancient Egyptians spent a lot of time online, posting status updates about how many oxen they had and whether or not they were incarnations of Ra the Sun God. Poking at that time was done with a spear, so it was just about as annoying as now.

 

8. Ouija Boards

At last, the mystery of the pyramids has been solved! It wasn't slaves who built the pyramids. The ancient Egyptians harnessed the evil powers of the demons they summoned with their ancient Ouija boards. How clever!

 

9. Twinkies

In recently unearthed tombs, archaeologists found 4,000-year-old Twinkies. The centers were still creamy and the sponge cake spongy. I bet they tasted delicious!

Can you think of anything else the ancient Egyptians invented? Tell us about it in the comments.

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