Articles Of Clothing You'll Never See Link Wearing

Link has been wearing the same unwashed short skirt and green top since 1983. I've gone a couple days wearing the same pair of shorts, but this dude's skirt must smell crazy. Nonetheless he knows what he likes to wear, you got to give hiim that. Sometimes, every now and again, he changes into something a little more comfortable, but overall he's very precise about what he wears. And there are some items of clothing you'll definitely never see him in:

 

Anything That Covers His Beautiful Thighs

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Take one look at Link's taught, toned thighs and you'll know right away why he's all about keeping those puppies uncovered.

 

A Gay Rights Triangle

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Link is actually surprisingly homophobic. Not cool, dude...

 

Mrs. Claus Lingerie

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Link says he feels like a slut in Mrs. Claus lingerie. He'd prefer something a little more elegant. Like a short green skirt that hikes up to reveal his bottom when he leans over to tie his boots.

 

A Cucco Feather Coat

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Link has wanted one of these for ages, but every time he tries to kill a Cucco to make one every chicken in the kingdom flies over and stops him.

 

I <3 Ganon Wife Beater

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Link does have one of these. But he only wears it to bed, and he's a very private sleeper.

 

A Thong

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Link is always getting UTI's. So his doctor prescribed him loose underwear to help him keep from exacerbating the infections.

 

A Condom

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Link's waiting for Zelda. But every time he's about to be able to bed her Ganon breaks in through the window and takes her again. According to official Nintendo statistics Link has almost gotten to have sex with Princess Zelda 19 times. From what he's been saying lately, I think he might be tired enough of chasing Zelda to just give up rescuing her and asking out the girl that works at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf next to Hyrule castle.

 

What else will you never see link wearing? Let us know in the comments!

 

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