Batman's All-Time Worst Villains
There are a LOT of villains in Batman: Arkham City. I was playing through it expecting to run into goddamn Magneto there were so many villains. Thankfully, a few of Batman's all-time dumbest villains didn't make the cut. At least, I assume they didn't. I haven't found all The Riddler trophies yet.
Since there is so little that distinguishes Firefly besides fire, it's clear that the writer was sitting near a fireplace or lighting a cigarette when he was thinking up his new bad guy. Firefly was the epitome of the "Guy gets obsessed with (A THING I HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING AT IN THE ROOM), kills people in a way related to (THAT THING I HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING AT IN THE ROOM)" era of Batman villains. Thankfully, the DC Comics editors would save us from Coffee Can Full of Spare Change Man, Half-Eaten French Dip From Quizno's Man, and Acoustic Guitar I'm Honest To God Going To Learn How To Play Someday Man.
Ten Eyed Man
The Ten Eyed Man had eyeballs attached to the ends of his fingers. This makes him incredibly helpless as he still has to hold things, but all he an use are his eyes. So imagine fighting Batman and all you can hit him with are your eyes. Ten Eyed Man was, of course, defeated by Batman and put in prison with his hands locked in a black box, rendering him blind. Apparently the actual comic book explanation for why he needed to be blinded by hand-box was because "escape would be child's play if he could see". Why a ten eyed man is any more capable of escaping than a two eyed man is never made clear, but maybe Batman thinks that people who can see can easily escape from prison. The number of times The Joker's gotten out of Arkham certainly backs that up. Don't be surprised if the next time Batman catches The Joker he gouges his eyes right out.
Here we have Calendar Man, a guy who would commit crimes based on holidays. I don't know exactly how this worked. Did he, like, chop down a tree on Arbor Day? In any event, Batman recently caught Calendar Man and when he wasn't looking, turned Notifications off on Calendar Man's iPhone. We don't hear a lot from Calendar Man now because he keeps forgetting holidays and promising himself that, honest to God, he's going to remember to kill someone NEXT Canadian Independence Day.
You know how The Joker functions as Batman's opposite in a really interesting, metaphorical way, like how Joker epitomizes chaos while Batman represents order? What if the task of figuring out Batman's opposite was given to some slacker Call of Duty player in between sips of Mountain Dew Orange Livewire and bites of day old tuna fish sandwiches without mayonnaise? "He's opposite because upside down logo and purple costume. Whatever I'M TIRED!"
Crazy Quilt's powers are colors. No. For real. He sees colors brightly so he's insane and he shoots colors out of a helmet. Batman goes from fighting men who weild fear toxin and ice lasers to some guy who's got turquoise.
Yet another Batman villain who became interested in something, in this case Greek Mythology, and starts killing people like that thing. Maxie Zeus used an electricity powered lightning bolt and fried people just like Zeus would do were he still alive today. So that's scary, I guess. But while Maxie Zeus understood the external problems- "the Gods can smite us down" - he missed the POINT of Greek Myths, like don't fly to close to the sun or bang your own mother. If Maxie Zeus had understood the depths of human tragedy explored in Greek Myth he might've thought up a really horrible scenario where regular people are forced to do some of these horrific things. But he just read the text superficially. So let it be known, Maxie Zeus is a failure because he didn't pay attention in English. Hopefully you'll never again question your teacher when she gives you a B- for not "digging into the story enough". She's just trying to keep you off of a list of Dumbest Batman Villains.
After getting paralyzed from the waste down, Orca fused some whale genes into her spine and was able to walk again! But there were consequences! Lame consequences! She had super strength, but not so much that Batman couldn't just rock her in a physical fight. But maybe if Orca could get Batman in the water, she could use her whale parts (gross) to take the advantage! Unfortunately for Orca, Batman defeated her by accidentally leaving his swimming trunks at his house. This lead to an incredibly odd issue of Detective Comics where Batman stood on a dock and Orca treaded water and they just stared at each other for 32 pages. The next issue was Batman in the Batcave tracking The Riddler and Orca was never mentioned again.
Any other Batman villains you think are dumb enough for this list? Certainly not The Penguin! But feel free to make your case in the comments.