The Best of FMLife: Bullying Edition

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Bullies are scared obnoxious cretins. They spend too much time bullyin' and not enough time studyin' so they don't ever achieve their dreams of working for NASA, the stock market, or even a fast food restaurant. At that point they will have no recourse but to say FML.

 

Consider The Tables Turned

Today, I fought back with words against a bully. He cried, and I got detention. FML

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How About Some Consistency?

Today, our school started an anti-bullying policy, and we watched a video about bullying. After the video, I told a teacher about a bullying case going on that I know about. His response? "Tell someone who cares" as he walked away chuckling. FML

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Dawg Don't You Have a Hobby?

Today, it's my birthday. I got a phone call from my high school bully, to remind me that he'll always be able to find me and do whatever he wants to me. He does this every year. I turn 34 today. FML

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What They Call Escalation

Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML

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Or We Could Round Up The Tall Kids

Today, someone peed in my physical education locker. The only way someone could've done it is with a ladder. I'm so popular it hurts. FML

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Con... Congratulations?

Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that although he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was actually shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML

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We Must Put a Stop To This

Today, my sister announced that she had gotten engaged. I was happy for her until I found out she's marrying the guy who relentlessly bullied me all through high school. FML

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Clumsy, Not Callous

Today, I was falling asleep on my desk, my head on my fist. My elbow slipped off the edge of the desk and I punched myself, leaving a fist mark on my cheek. At school, people think my parents hit me. My parents think I'm getting bullied at school. No one believes the actual story. FML

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"I, Uh, Like Your Uniform"

Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML

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