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10 Best Places To Eat Bacon

It's insane to me that other meats are even still produced when bacon, undisputed greatest meat there ever was, is readily available. It's like if they kept making typewriters after the iPad came out. I assume typewriters are no longer made. That seems like a thing they would stop making. In any event, here are some specific, strategic locations that can affect and amplify the positive feelings brought about by eating bacon.

1. Ice Cream Shop

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This is the moment when you really have to decide if you're in or out -- are you someone who has bacon with all meals, no matter the consequences? If you eat bacon with your ice cream, you're telling the universe that you're all in, no matter how much congestive heart failure comes along with that.

2. School

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Establish yourself right on the first day of school as someone who will be eating bacon at all times. YES during Study Hall. YES during Phys Ed. YES during trips to the nurse to take cholesterol medication. YES during Geography.

3. The HoneyBaked Ham Company

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Those who own and operate the HoneyBaked Ham Company made a choice in what pig-based meat product to serve. It was the wrong choice. It's up to you to show them the error of their ways. If you show up savoring the greatest of the meats and make sure the customers notice how much you're enjoying yourself, they won't purchase any ham, thereby ending any chance those employed at the HoneyBaked Ham Company have at making a living and feeding their families. But you know. Don't be a jerk about it.

4. Prom

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At first everyone will be like "Come on man! You can't eat bacon here, this is a formal event!" But that smell will permeate and soon everyone will be salivating for some bacon of their own. And they'll be into it. Just you wait and see. Prom king. Wink.

5. The Island From Lost

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Things are so crazy on The Island that your brain will begin to doubt reality itself. What you'll need is an anchor point of sorts. Something that, no matter how many tattooed sharks or dead parents you see, you will know you can believe in reality and yourself. And the fact that bacon is really really damn delicious is that constant.

6. Vegan Restaurant

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It can be touchy, eating meat in a place that serves no animal products whatsoever. But it'll all be worth it if you inspire just one bearded, white-belted hipster to give bacon a try.

7. Nuclear Fallout Shelter

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Why not put your mind at ease?

8. The State of Texas

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Everything's bigger in Texas. Hence, bigger and therefore more bacon. Try to keep up, junior.

9. Grandma's Funeral

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Honor the memory of your Grandmother by celebrating the greatest thing she ever did with her life-- probably making you bacon at some point.

10. Purgatory

As a place to wait for souls not evil enough for Hell and not yet pure enough for Heaven, Purgatory is the ultimate neutral zone. Neither good nor bad, really. Push it in the good direction with a little bacon.

Where else would you eat bacon? Let us know in the comments.

Check Out 34 Bacon Motivators!

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