Better Choices For Charlie Sheen's 'Two and a Half Men' Replacement

We all remember the time Charlie Sheen went nuts and started doing Conan the Barbarian-levels of cocaine and hooking up with strippers on set, finally fulfilling Ronald Reagan's promise of America. But those days are over, and Two and a Half Men has returned after firing Sheen and replacing him with Ashton Kutcher. Now, to be honest, I've never watched an episode of Two and a Half Men and Ashton Kutcher is not going to get me to start. However, there are some Sheen replacements who might.

 

Two-Face

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This bit of casting would take the show down a darker, more interesting path as Alan struggles with the guilt of feeling like he could have saved his friend Harvey Dent if he hadn't spent so much time trying to turn his brother into an appropriate role model for his son or be cooler than his ex-wife's new boyfriend.

 

Samuel L. Jackson

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If Two and a Half Men is looking to recreate the dynamic of Alan trying to reign in the bad habits of a man who has an enormous amount of influence on his son, who would be better than Samuel L. Jackson? I mean, does Jake really need to hear Samuel L. Jackson shout "muthaf*cka" at the end of every sentence? And then Alan would learn Samuel L. Jackson has a very specific form of Tourette's and he should try to be more sensitive. Aww.

 

Brock Lesnar

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This might be the season Alan dies.

 

Samus

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Because in the 8 years that Two and a Half Men has been on TV, Alan and Jake haven't found even one missile expansion.

 

Mark Zuckerburg

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Whenever Alan and Jake ask Mark Zuckerberg if he wants to come along on adventures, he removes his headphones for a moment and asks "What did you say?" in a way that makes it clear he really doesn't care what they said. How will Alan and Jake react to a narcissistic potential Asperger's case who wants nothing to do with them? Find out this Monday at 8/ 7 central.

 

Megazord

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Jake doesn't know how to get a date with the girl he likes? And Alan is comically inept at wooing women? WE NEED MEGAZORD POWER NOW!

 

The Borg

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Turning every character into an assimilated robot without humanity or intellect would be a good way for Two and a Half Men to connect with its audience.

Who do you think should have replaced Charlie Sheen? Throw some suggestions out in the comments!

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