Biggest Mistakes a College Freshman Can Make

Just when you're really starting to settle into your high school groove of stealing french fries from the cafeteria and going over to Jeff's after school to play Halo, you suddenly graduate and go to college. How do you interact with this new situation? Here are some vital mistakes all incoming freshmen should do everything in their power to avoid.

 

Stay by Yourself at the "Welcome Freshman" BBQ

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Get out there and meet some people! They're not going to bite. Well. Sophmores bite. Buut that's only because Sophomores hate Freshman more than anything else in the world. The start of the year barbeque is a great time to get to know your fellow freshmen, eat some food, have some laughs, and generally plan how you're all going to avoid having your noses rubbed in the dirt by sophomores.

 

Drop Out Immediately

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It's hard to do new things, so I'm not going to lie to you. Your initial semester in college is going to be difficult. But as Winston Churchill once said "If you're going through hell, keep going." Winston Churchill was in charge of Britain. See, I learned that in college, and if you stick with it, you will too.

 

Talk in Philosophy Class

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Saying "I concur" to a guy in glasses talking about health care reform at last night's kegger does not make you qualified to discuss Jean-Jacques Rousseau's Discourse on Inequality. I apologize if you're reading this, guy who concurred with me last night about health care reform.

 

Play Too Much Super Smash Bros.

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You can spend so much time in your dorm trying to perfect the Luigi Ladder that you forget to get out and experience college!

 

Play Too Little Smash Bros.

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But don't experience too much college. Remember, there is literally no other way for Freshman to get to know each other besides Smash Bros.

 

Join Anime Club

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Listen guys. If you're into anime, that's all well and good, but the door to ALL OTHER social circles closes the moment you walk into your first Yu Yu Hakusho screening. Keep your options open by watching all your anime in your room, long after your roommate is asleep. This would also be an acceptable time to hang any posters you have with kanji, blue flames, or that come in a scroll. Just make sure to take them back down before he wakes up.

 

Wear Aviators

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Hey freshman! You know who gets to wear aviators? They're strictly for Sophomores. And they work hard for those aviators: Only the Sophomores with the most frayed Corona hats and best record for books slapped out the hands of Freshmen are given a pair in a secret ceremony from the Dean. Afterwards is a small tea formal where a cold lunch is served and the sophomores and the Dean sit down to talk about how much they hate Freshmen.

 

Did you make any fatal mistakes as a freshman that you want to help the incoming class avoid? Quick! Post them in the comments!

 

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