A Brief History Of Dumbest Celebrity Tattoos Ever
Way more people know Chris Brown for his criminal record than for his mediocre music. Given said record, which feminist icon Brown acquired as a result of beating his then-girlfriend Rihanna, his new neck tattoo of a battered woman’s face makes him look pretty stupid (not that a neck tattoo of a battered woman on anyone’s neck would look cool, but still). He’s not the only celebrity who has ever humiliated himself with a tattoo, though. Like celebs themselves, some of the horrible ink on this list is legendary; some is D-list. Regardless, it all sucks.
Nowadays, everyone and their mom has at least one tattoo advertising their “YOLO” lifestyle or their love for their significant other. Back in the day, though, tattoos were reserved only for the tough and/or unemployable. That’s why Johnny Depp’s “Winona Forever” tattoo, which he got in tribute of his then-girlfriend Winona Ryder, is the most famous terrible celebrity tattoo of all time – he got it in the early 90s, when tattoos of that ilk still meant something. Clearly it didn’t mean THAT much, though – after they broke up, he got it changed to read “Wino Forever,” which is cool in theory but bad when you consider the fact that he’s a father now. Winos make terrible fathers.
Tom Arnold wouldn’t have a career without the support and celebrity of his former wife Roseanne – if they had stayed together, his tattooed portrait of her would have been a touching tribute. In 1994, however, they had a spectacularly messy breakup, which resulted in a bunch of bad blood and the subsequent removal of Rosie’s face from his bloated body.
I know what you’re thinking. “Fred Durst? The lead singer of late 90’s rap-rock band Limp Bizkit? The dude with the frosted tips in his hair? Why, he’s never done anything embarrassing in his life! He’s, like, the coolest dude that’s ever walked the face of the Earth!” I hate to burst your bubble, kiddo, but Durst has done something embarrassing – he got Elvis Presley AND Kurt Cobain tattooed on his chest. And that’s the closest Durst will ever get to good musicians.
What’s worse – biting a man’s ear off, or paying tribute to a Chinese dictator who killed millions of his own people? The Chairman Mao Zedong tattoo on Tyson’s arm is arguably stupider than that damn tribal symbol on his damn face. It makes sense, though, given the context of the Che Guevara tattoo on his chest. Kinda.
How stupid is Angelia’s (now-removed) "Billy Bob" tattoo, which she acquired during her PDA-heavy marriage to Billy Bob Thornton? Stupid enough that professional idiot Steve-O has the exact same tattoo, along with a back-sized portrait of his face and torso giving a thumbs-up and the sentence “I have a small wiener.”
Oh, lord. This one’s heartbreakingly stupid. Around 2007, Baldwin met Miley Cyrus at the White House (why the both of them were there, I have no idea). They made a bet – if he got the initials to Hannah Montana, a fictional character, tattooed on himself, he would score a guest spot on the show. He actually went through with it, but NEVER GOT ON THE SHOW.
Hayden Panettiere, a.k.a. “That blonde girl from that thing,” got some trite saying in Italian tattooed on herself. That’s all well and good – tons of starlets do that all the time. The trouble, however, lies in the misspelling of the trite phrase – Hayden’s "live without regrets" tat is now, like, HELLA ironic.
T-Pain, the man who ruined pop music forever by introducing autotune to top-40 radio, has his now set his sights on ruining tattoos forever. One of his more recent tats reads, “You don't have to ‘Like’ me.” The “Like” is accompanied by a Facebook thumbs-up. I’m glad I have his permission, but I wouldn’t have liked him regardless.
Jermaine Dupri looks kind of like a duck. Because of this, I always wondered how the hell he bagged the incredibly hot Janet Jackson. Now I know – it’s because he’s willing to blaspheme the Virgin Mary in order to make his lady look good. That’s devotion, man. That being said, his tattoo of Ms. Jackson as the mother of God is still ridiculous. And blasphemous. Like, SUPER blasphemous.
Know of any other famous folks who flubbed up their flesh with terrible tattoos? Let me know in the comments!