Cartoon Characters Who Would CLEAN UP at The Olympics
Oh, The Olympics. People spend their entire lives just to qualify and then win or lose by milliseconds. AlIs I want to know is, why isn’t anyone naked anymore? That seems like a way bigger challenge in my opinion. What with the jiggly, dangly bits swishing around compromising aerodynamics in compromising ways. The amount of focus it would take to stay at the task at hand. The ratings. What was I writing about? Oh! The list, sorry. Anywho, here are some cartoon characters that would excel at the games (clothed or otherwise):
Dressage – My Little Ponies
The Olympics are supposed to be about human feats of strength, agility and stamina. Not horses prancing about like Khloe Kardashian in Versace pumps after a feedbag full of cocaine. Where’s the sport in that? At least if the Ponies were involved they’re anthropomorphic enough to be worthy of being called athletes and not just fap material for Bronies.
Rhythmic Gymnastics- Milhouse
Who better to be in the Milhouse of Olympic events than the Milhouse of cartoon characters. That will show Lisa who wears the big boy leotard!
Handball - Recess
I’ve never watched the Olympic version of handball but I assume the rules still apply: no spikeys, no waterfalls, no babies, no flushy down the toilet. Winner gets all the pogs.
Women’s Field Hockey – Peppermint Patty
What? I imply nothing. I just strongly suggest she may have a knack for it and Softball is no longer recognized as an Olympic sport.
Steeplechase – Transformers
Did you know that auto racing keeps trying to put an exhaust pipe into the Olympics? I mean, at least with dressage you have to train the dang horse. If it ever did get into the games it goes without saying the Transformers would dominate. But for my money I’d much rather see them do the Steeplechase so maybe something will beat Africa.
Is there an event you’d love to see a cartoon bitchslap the competition? Let us know in the comments.