Celebrities That Have Probably Made Deals With The Devil
There are some celebrities that you can’t believe have continued success no matter how much they screw up. And then there are some you can’t believe have had any success at all. Why, you might ask, are they still around to make us roll our eyes with their every move? I believe that in exchange for fame, money and a lifetime supply of get-out-of-jail-free cards, they have sold their souls to the Lord of Darkness. Here’s my list of some of the more obvious examples.
Ke$ha is clearly Beelzebub’s beeyotch! Can’t you just picture her waking up one morning in a bed of her own barf after a night of pounding jello shots with Satan? It is also a little known fact that the devil invented autotune.
I think that he actually may have initially become famous for being a talented musician, but like so many before, got greedy and wanted more. Because I’m almost certain he sold his soul to Satan in order to bang chicks more famous than him, get away with constantly saying douchey things and, inexplicably, to look like someone kicked him in the nards when he sings ‘Your Body is a Wonderland’. We know the King of Demons is responsible for granting John Mayer these wishes, but why anyone would wish for that last one remains a mystery.
Ay Diablo! He may be trying to leave the darkside, but once you sign the deal in your cholesterol and meth-laden blood, game over. Sorry Perez but you got pwned!
How is this guy a famous actor? He makes Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson look like Meryl Streep and Robert DeNiro. Okay, maybe not that extreme…but still! And despite the fact that his face looks like he ran into a plate glass window, girls everywhere scream with delight every time he removes his shirt, which is a hella lot of screaming! I’m pretty sure they would be screaming in horror if they knew an angel had to die for every ab on his hairless chest.
Two and a Half Men is the top-rated comedy on television. Charlie Sheen is the highest paid comedic actor on television. Hello?? Still not enough proof? Just imagine if you woke up toothless and hung over after partying all night with porn stars, and then your boss, instead of firing your sorry a**, sends a limo filled with strippers to bring you in to work. Yeah, that’s what I thought.
It’s pretty clear that a zero talent hack like Heidi Montag sold her soul for fame, fortune and to be the most beautiful woman on the planet. It is also clear that the Dark One decided two out of three ain’t bad.
Billy Ray Cyrus
Only the Prince of Demons would have the power to make a mulleted, d-bag who wore acid-washed hammer pants a country superstar. Obviously the evil rubbed off on Billy Ray, because he took it upon himself to produce Devil’s Spawn, Miley, whose mere existence is a clear indication of the coming apocalypse.
There is one overwhelming reason I believe this band owes its recording contract to Lucifer. Just think about what song might be playing on an endless loop in the firey pits of eternal damnation and you will hear the hellacious heys of “Hey Soul Sister.” Imma stop sinning right now.
There are so many more…let us know who else we should add to the list in the comments!