'The Dark Knight Rises' Releases New Posters!

I've been having dreams where I see The Dark Knight Rises, but I'm like an hour late to the theater so I sit there not really enjoying it and thinking I'll go see it again and really get the full story later. This is my brain trying to prepare me for the possibility that The Dark Knight Rises won't be as amazing, as awe-inspiring, as life-changing as I'm assuming it will be. I wouldn't be able to handle that cold, so I switch to defensive mode and feel disappointment before I'm even disappointed. It's lead to me and my therapist talking a lot about Batman, which I have to imagine has, since that first trailer launched, become more common for mental health professionals.


man in therapy
"Are you ready to talk about your mother?"
"Nah, let's stay on Bane a little longer."

(source)

In any case, six new promotional posters for The Dark Knight Rises were released yesterday, featuring the three main characters standing in the rain and snow and looking generally badass. Let's see what information we can glean from them, huh?


new dark knight poster
Doesn't look like Batman's going to get a new batsuit. Don't expect
him to be invited back to Fashion Week.


new dark knight poster
Bane will be powerful enough to hit a jukebox and make it play "Rock Around the Clock".


new dark knight poster
Catwoman's mask doesn't have eyeholes. Inside it displays
a steady flow of rumors about the next iPhone.


new dark knight poster
Here is Batman, beginning to tear up as he thinks about how much he loves America.


new dark knight poster
Here is Bane, beginning to tear up as he thinks about how much Batman loves America.


new dark knight poster
Her head is like, a thousand times too big for her body here, right?

The day before these character posters, Warner Bros. released a final Dark Knight Rises one-sheet that included a sad Batman and an orange sky.


new dark knight one sheet
There will never be enough Gushers in a pack, Batman.
(source)

The internet was incredibly angry about it it, though, because it's clearly two old posters lazily Photoshopped together.


making a pool gif
(source)

This isn't fair to the Photoshop artist, though. You can make anything look simple with a .gif.


making a pool gif
(source)

I am worried about the relationship this sets up vis a vis the film studio's response to fans. We get angry, we get six new posters. This is too much power! Guys, we already changed the Mass Effect ending and defeated SOPA. We shouldn't have this kind of control. Look, we got an awesome poster of Bane breaking the Batman mask. That was for us Batman nerds. Maybe the sad Batman over an orange skyline is intended to sell the movie to my mom. I don't see how it could, but that's why I'm not a mom. Internet, it might be time to cop to the fact that we don't know how to make this stuff better than the people who are making it.


new freddy vs jason characters
I hope to God we don't decide who should next versus Freddy versus Jason.
(source)

Are you into The Dark Knight Rises posters? Let me know on Twitter or leave a comment below!

 


Check out What I've Figured Out From The New 'Dark Knight Rises' Set Photos!