Dating Horror Stories
The weekly update from Melanie on the state of dating affairs in the world.
Lately, I've been playing the field. Testing the waters with a few guys to see if I can make a real relationship happen.
Well, to be perfectly blunt, every guy so far has been a total train wreck.
See exhibits A-C.
Lets call this guy "Horseface". Now Horseface and I hit it off at first. We met on Facebook through a mutual friend and he seemed pretty cute.
Little did I know, every picture he had was taken from an angle where I was unable to see the actual length of his face. This guy could've face doubled for SeaBiscuit.
I almost tripped on his face, thats how long it was. If faces were another part of the male anatomy, we wouldn't have had a problem, but unfortunately, they are not.
We shall only refer to this man as "Touchy McGee". This guy was touchy in two senses of the word.
I wouldn't flat out call this guy a molester, but damn did he like to fondle! I don't even mean my boobs either! Touchy McGee would grab everything, forks, salt shakers, even the food on MY plate, and massage them with his fingertips in an oh-so-creepy way.
So when I decided to put an end to all the touching, Touchy McGee started crying in the middle of the restaurant! Talk about touchy!
This man will henceforth be known as "Peter PooPants". Peter PooPants and I were set up on a blind date through an acquaintance of mine and immediately I realized it was a cruel, cruel joke.
As we entered the movie theater, I immediately recognized a distinct odor wafting in my direction from him. At first I thought it was perhaps his cologne, but then I realized this stench was, in fact, manure.
"Maybe he worked on a farm?" I rationalized in my head. This was, of course until we sat down in the theaters and I heard a loud squishing sound coming from his rear.
This grown man had POOPED IN HIS PANTS. And was going about life like nothing was wrong! I ran out of that theater without ever looking back.
Do you have any dating horror stories?