Dead Celebrities I Never Want To Be Haunted By

Celebrities, every last one of them, are always happy and considerate. I once walked by Gwyneth Paltrow, tripped, and cut myself, and she rushed over to see if I was OK, saw that I had a cut on my forehead, licked the blood from my forehead, and used strands of her hair to seal the wound. But this utopian age of celebrity kindness hasn't always been the case. In fact, some celebrities from the past were downright ornery. And when they died their ghosts were even worse. Here are some celebrities you definitely don't want to get haunted by:

 

Bill Bixby

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Trust me, you wouldn't like Bill Bixby's ghost when it's angry.

 

Don Knotts

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No ghost would be more annoying than the ghost of Don Knotts, who just follows you around the room he's haunting accidentally getting his foot stuck in things and falling over.

 

Biggie Smalls

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Ghosts don't get much worse to have around when you have a girlfriend than Biggie Smalls. No women's rights activist when he was alive, Biggie's ghost's lyrics about women are even more obscene, including such verses as: "I maybe be undead/ but these ghost b*tches better give me h**d/ Before I put a cap in they a**/ Oh that's right guns don't work on ghosts/ still though, give me h**d"

 

Leslie Nielson

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Ghost Leslie Nielson has a very particular style of haunting. He stands over your bed while you're trying to sleep tryiing to convince you that "2001: A Space Travesty" is underrated.

 

Patrick Swayze

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The big problem with ghost Patrick Swayze is that even dead, he still manages to get more chicks than you do. And he can't even tongue kiss them because his tongue is made of ghosts.

 

The Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bakers

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Originally there were three bakers, until the middle baker, who had descended into booze and pills after a messy divorce, attacked both the other bakers with a bowie knife in a fit of passion. He hid their bodies under a giant pile of cinamon toast crunch, but then got hungry and ate most of the pile, and was subsequently quickly arrested. The angry ghosts of the other two Cinnamon Toast Crunch bakers, full of vengeance for what was done to them, are two of the most violent ghosts known to exist. Do not get haunted by them, you will not live through it. The only that it was they that tore you apart will be the faint hint of cinnanom goodness wafting from your strewn about body parts.

 

Will Smith

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I know what you're saying, Will Smith isn't dead. Technically though, he has been dead since an electrical accident on the set of "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air," but such is the power of Scientology.

 

What other celebrities would you not want to be haunted by? Let us know in the comments!

 

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