In Defense of Dinosaur Battles
We over here at Smosh are big fans of dinosaur fights. I mean who isn't? It'd be downright un-American to not like a battle royale between a triceratops and T-Rex, or maybe even a three-way throwdown with a pterodactyl thrown in.
Kinda hard to mess that up.
Well we came across this clip from a movie called "At the Earth's Core," and we have to say that it might be the LAMEST dinosaur fight of all time.
Apparently all you needed to make a movie in 1976 was $14, a few actors who could try to look scared, and your mom -- who when you asked her to make you two dinosaur costumes for your big dinosaur fight scene, decided to go off the costume pattern and made a dino-horse thing that has no business on screen in a motion picture.
Combine all that and you have one of the worst dinosaur fights of all time -- and it's hilarious!
This movie from 1925 even looks more realistic than "Earth's Core." And they didn't even have electricity or science back then!
Flapper dinosaur from 1925, about to do the Charleston Dance.
Looking around, we found more than just battles that make a mockery of the dinosaur genre -- this movie "1,000,000 B.C." gets Worst Pterodactyl Effect Ever award.
Not totally horrible. That pterodactyl was just hanging out trying to rip the bikini off of Raquel Welch. 1966 Raquel Welch.
Our sources also led us to this other amazingly ridiculous movie, "The Last Dinosaur." The '70s had bellbottoms, but apparently they didn't advance their effects very much. Or their acting skills. Do rubber suits get really sweaty?
All this got us thinking about going even further down the scale of dinosaur fights. Do they get even worse than "At the Earth's Core," the weak sauce pterodactyls of "B.C." and the rubber dumbness of "Last Dinosaur"?
The answer, sadly, is YES.
This video represents what might be the lowest level dinosaur filmmaking has ever reached. Ever.
So um, yeah, Steven Spielberg cranked out some badass dinosaur movies, but where is everyone else? Will we have to be content with user-generated dinosaur rampages?
Actually, this is kind of cool...
Also, on a sidenote, there are some nerds who will complain about a dinosaur fight: "Waa, waaa, Stegosaurus lived in the Jurassic, Tyrannosaurus in the Cretaceous." We say to you: "Good luck, sir, on using that as a pick-up line tonight while waiting in line at the Blockbuster to rent Star Trek III for the 400th time."
My knowledge of the geological timescale vastly outweighs
my acquaintance with the things you mortals refer to as "breasts."
As an unrelated antidote to all this #dinofail, we *were* going to show you the epic battle between Stegosaurus and Tyrannosaurus from Fantasia, but Disney's lawyers descended upon Smosh Headquarters and threatened to eat our faces if we even so much as showed a second of footage from the classic film. So instead here is an artist's recreation:
Disney's lawyers let us use this.
Have other amazingly bad dino battles? Or some really, really good ones? Let us know in the comments!