Dragons I Wish I Could Kill In 'Skyrim'

Not all dragons are created equal. Some are majestic warriors of the sky, an inspiritation to greatness, strength, and valor. Others are fools. Stumbling idiots deserving to be slayed and made into meat fit only for slaves. Those Dragons must be served up to me in Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, so that I can slay them, and rid the world of their putrescent weakness. What dragons you ask, needs be slain? These dragons:

 

Spyro

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Pompous little bastard couldn't be more lame if he breathed out taffy instead of fire. He's about as scary as a chihuahua sucking on a flower-print pacifier. He must be annhilated.

 

Puff The Magic Dragon

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Puff teaches four year olds to get high. The President's anti-drug message requires all as soldiers of the state to pull out their swords and eliminate anyone who tries to make a baby a pothead.

 

This Goofy Son Of A B*tch

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There is a special place in Hell for dragons this shameful.

 

Falkor

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This adorable winged pedophile needs to get slain ASAP, before more lonely bookish kids get sucked into "having a sleepover' in his mountain lair.

 

Draco

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If there's one amendment to the constitution that I stand behind 100% it's Freedom of Speech, if there's two amendments to the consitution that I stand behind 100% it's Freedom of Speech and "Congress shall in no way inhibit a citizen's right to kill any dragon that helps Dennis Quaid."

 

Dragon Furries

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Let us rid the convention centers of Skyrim of the Dragon Furry menace so they can go back to being filled with comic book and video game conventions and not weird lonely 40 year olds wearing mascot costumes with the genital parts cut out.

 

Dragonite

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Dragonite may seem adorable on the surface, and fun to hang out with. But, and this comes from a fully classified report. He was captured, drugged, and given secret instructions by deep cover CIA operatives that not even he is privvy to. When Dragonite hears someone whisper the phrase, "The Owl Makes His Way Through The Barn Without Fear," Dragonite is programmed to assassinate several key Democrats in the Senate. He must be stopped, and only my level 21 Thief on Skyrim can stop him.

 

What other Dragons do you demand Skyrim let us slay? Let us know in the comments!

 

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