Fake Holidays That I Wish Were Real Holidays
Holidays are basically just an excuse to have a sweet party. A lot of real holidays are great, but the religious aspects of them make some people feel left out. There are tons of awesome fake holidays from movies, TV, and video games that we as a world should adopt so everyone can feel like part of the gang. Here are fake holidays that I wish were real.
Life Day (Star Wars)
Life Day is a Wookie celebration about life or something. I don't really care what the purpose of it is. I just want to party with Wookies. Every year I pay a bunch of homeless dudes to put on Wookie costumes and hang out at my apartment. It's not as fun as it sounds, and they probably smell worse than the Wookies would.
Festivus is kind of the ultimate fake holiday. It is so popular that a lot of people actually celebrate it for real. It involves a feast, an airing of grievances where you tell everyone how much you hate them, and feats of strength where someone from the feast has to wrestle the head of the household. That pretty much sounds like any family dinner night at my parents house so maybe this isn't so special after all.
Kongo Bongo Festival Of Lights (Donkey Kong Country)
The Kongo Bongo Festival of Lights is almost identical to Christmas. You hang out with family and give each other presents. The main difference is that it also involves shooting off a ton of fireworks. If it were up to me, I would add fireworks to every holiday. I don't care what the holiday is. I just want to blow stuff up.
The Feast Of Winter Veil (World Of Warcraft)
The Feat of Winter Veil is World of Warcraft's version of Christmas. It's a several week long in-game event where you can do stuff like dress as a festive gnome and kiss elf babes under mistletoe. They even give out presents. These presents are way better than the ones you get from Santa. I don't know about you, but I've never had Santa bring me a magic battle axe that shoots lightning and lets me teleport anywhere I want. Santa needs to step up his game if he wants to compete this year.
Robanukah is even more fake than most of the holidays on this list. Not only is it a fake holiday, but it's even fake in the show that it exists in. Bender the robot made it up so he could get extra time off work. It does have some pretty sweet traditions like being lazy, drinking booze, and doing the robot dance. I think the most important tradition of all is the fembot oil wrestling match. I don't like it because I'm attracted to them. I just like the sport of it. I SWEAR!
National Dogbert Day (Dilbert)
National Dogbert Day is a holiday born out of efficiency. It was invented to give employees less time off work. They did this by combining every holiday in to one super holiday. It's like the Voltron of holidays. It only lasts for one day, but it definitely kicks every other holiday's ass.
I love food like crack addict loves smoking crack. Fappiano is a feast on Melmac that lasts all day. It only ends when everyone is too tired to eat anymore and then you open presents. The only down side is that the main course is cat. I knew that big fat cat my grandma has would finally come in use for something. I've never eaten a cat so maybe Alf was on to something. It's always good to broaden your horizons.
Treat Yo Self Day (Parks and Rec)
Mani-pedi? Treat Yo Self! Fur coat? Treat Yo Self! Go kart? Treat Yo Self! This is the one day a year to TREAT YO SELF! No one else knows how to treat you this good. Sure, the month after when the credit card bills start rolling in will suck, but permanent financial ruin is a small price to pay for one really awesome day.
Which fake holiday do you plan on celebrating this year? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!