Five Freshman Stereotypes To Avoid

The summer is coming to an end. You are about to leave for your first year at college. I mean some of you are going to college this year. …right? College is a really big turning point in life, especially because it will be a fresh start for most of you. This means you have a rare opportunity to totally reinvent yourself! To keep you from wasting this final stab at being cool, we at Smosh have outlined some of the top stereotypical freshmen you don’t want to be!

 

The ‘one sip of beer, So0o0o0o wa$ted’ Kid

 

So you had really overprotective parents, the kind of parents who wouldn’t even let you drink the grape juice at Bar Mitzvahs. What were you to do but try to suck any street wisdom you could out of television? You watched your sitcoms, your dramas, those after school specials and you saw the college kids and you observed their actions. What you saw was people taking one chug of the keg beer or a bite of spiked watermelon, then a jump cut to a dude wearing women’s underwear and a lampshade for a hat. When faced with that first college party and that first sip of beer, this is the image you have in your mind. One sip of hooch and all of the sudden you turn into Ke$ha; you’re dancing on a table and shaking craft glitter at the very unfortunate onlookers.

 

The One-Man Drum Circle

 

You grew up with yuppie parents and a poster of Reagan prominently displayed in your den. They probably still think ‘trickle-down’ was a good idea. In a word, you grew up conservatively. And everybody knows once you get to college the prime mode of asserting independence must be rebellion from parental influence, right? (Pay no attention to the fact that they are footing the bill to this whole shebang.) A few months, in you have doffed your polo shirts and clean hair for an impressive collection of Che Guevara tee shirts and some dreadlocks that you kind of thought would look cooler than they did. Dreads just don't look good framing your freckled face. The only plus side is that you’ll probably end up pictured in your college’s brochure.

 

The ‘Phone Cord-Umbilical Cord’ Kid

 

These are the kids who kind of wish their parents were there to see how cool and grown-up they are being at college. While most kids only call their parents when they need a boost to their currently negative bank statements or go home on weekends for the “free laundry service” their mother supplies (only after ever pair of underwear has been worn twice without washing and their roommate has noticed the ‘borrowing’ of their clean underwear at that), there are some kids who seem to be Skype-ing with their moms in the living room every time you are trying to work on an important paper, or texting their dads through an entire psychology lecture. For some reason, these kids are so close with their parents that they will actually, like tell them everything. And nothing is creepier than a dude calling his mom to brag about how well he just shotgunned a beer. Don’t be that dude.

 

The ‘Homecoming Queen Gone Edgy’ Unfortunate Haircut Girl

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High school is kind of like an ice cube tray; everybody has to fit in. But college is a place to find yourself, and every once in a while an ex-cheerleader discovers the “alterative” girl lurking inside - a girl looking to find her individuality with Goodwill shopping and a pair of craft scissors as a hairdresser. The result is almost always a half-shaved head and bad Christmas sweaters. There is one silver lining though. That train-wreck of a girl still looks pretty cute from the left profile (the left side of her head still has long, flaxen goddess hair and the way it’s parted kind of covers the Christmas tree motif).

 

That Political Science Major Who Is Already Planning Their Presidential Campaign

 

Ever notice how that kid who’s decided at twelve that they will be the first [insert questionable minority characteristic here] president is also the most naïve and unversed on global affairs of anyone you’ve ever met? It is hard to watch someone who does not know the difference between Austria and Australia pontificate for fifty minutes straight of your ninety minute poli-sci lecture. Even worse is when gift giving season rolls around and all the sudden the school is littered with this kid’s campaign fliers for their expected candidateship in the 2028 presidential elections. Do you really want to be that kid and have to explain at the 20 year reunion why you haven’t quite made it anywhere past supervisor at your local DMV in the world of government jobs yet?

 

Are you going to college in the fall? Do you know people like this? Let us know in the comments?!

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