FMLife! Spider edition!

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You know that old urban legend where you see a spider and it bites you, and then weeks later the bite keeps getting bigger until it POPS OPEN and thousands and thousands of baby spiders crawl out? Here are some FMLs about spiders!


Now is our chance to strike

many spiders attacking from ceiling

Today, while I was getting out of the shower, I saw a spider climb into the ceiling vent. Wanting it to come out so I could kill it, I turned on the fan. It came out, along with a dozen of its friends. FML







I see where this is heading

pale skin spider in eyeToday, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML







Hey new friend

good guy greg and spiderToday, I was straightening my hair when I heard this crunching, sizzling sound. Taking the flat iron away, I realized that I had just fused a spider to my hair with the heat. FML







Slap happy

man slapping himself

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML


free hugs





Trust issues

lady with spider web on headToday, I discovered that you can't always assume your little brother is kidding when he says that you have a spider on top of your head. FML








The mind sees what it wants to see

man with spider hair Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML






He died doing what he loved

spiderman nuderwearToday, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML






Safety first?

kid in helmet

Today, my mother finally pressured me to wear my old helmet while riding my bike. Halfway through my ride, 3 spiders came crawling out of it and onto my face, causing me to lose control of the bike and crash head-first. FML







Time to reevaluate my life

spider on toilet paper

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML







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