Future Technology I'm Tired Of Not Owning

You know when you watch a movie that takes place in the future and you're all "I can't wait for those sweet pieces of technology to come out!" Well I am TIRED of waiting! Come on, technology producers! Those stupid the Jetsons are lording their sweet future over the rest of us. I want it, and I want it now!

 

1. Alt Dimension Window

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If I could see into alternate dimensions, making decisions would be much easier. Like should I ask out the girl I like? I can look into an alternate dimension and see if I can handle the rejection. (It's weird, I assume I'll get rejected in every dimension though.)

 

2. Those Flying Skateboards From Back To The Future

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Mainly because I'm worried current skateboards are going to go out of style. Then how will I show old people how little I care about their values?

 

3. Marshmallow Shoes

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I would love to own a pair of these, to make my steps soft enough to not set off landmines. Landmines could be ANYWHERE.

 

4. Nanobot miracle cures

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I would really like tiny robots to enter my bloodstream and eliminate whatever is biologically causing my problems. I, for one, hope the technology reaches a point where it can eliminate psychological problems as well. I am irrationally worried about stepping on landmines.

 

5. PlayStation 4

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The graphics on PlayStation 3 are merely HD. We're about ready for HNSFRHD -- High-No-Seriously-For-Real-HIGH-Definition. I want to see every pore on Infamous' face. And then the pores on those pores. Do pores have pores? In any event, I'm excited for the Playstation 4 to teach us more about pores.

 

6. Double iPad

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Can we be honest? Apple people don't REALLY like the technology, they just like to HAVE Apple stuff. Right? When the Double iPad comes out, the illusion that new Apple products have any value will finally be dissipated. And destroying old caveman ideologies is what new technology is all about.

 

7. Cybernetic Limb Enhancement

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We can all breathe easier once this technology becomes readily available, as we'll have "fallback legs," as top technologists call them, in case our legs are blown off by landmines.

 

8. A Facebook Tracker That Isn't A Virus

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It's embarrassing to accidentally spam your friends' walls with that "yo u wouldn't believe whos creepin my page, dawg!!! my EX!! and i thought she had a new man an' everything!!!!" message just because you tried to install a Facebook Tracker. But really, if your ex does have a new man, it'd be good to see if she was creepin' on your page. Dawg.

What spectacular piece of technology are you super excited for? Let us know in the comments!

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