Guys I Would Date (Who Are Criminals)
Let’s face it: Breaking news of Celebrity arrests are as common as a weather report these days. What used to be so indicative of the “Bad Boys” of Hollywood, has now transitioned into being an amusing anecdote for them to tell at parties.
Through out the course of Johnny Law cracking down on superstars for minor infractions, to full on demeanors there have been a few troublemakers that I’d still tape up to the sides of my High School locker, metaphorically speaking.
Gossip Girl's super-hunk Chance was arrested in Texas for pot possession... but I don't care. I wouldn't kick him out of my dorm room for that.
Immortalized and further cemented as a heartthrob icon by the ‘90s movie, “Clueless,” Christian Slater perseveres as the first crush you have that you don’t even dare tell your Mom about.
I imagine our interactions to be consisting mainly of coy glances and flirty one-liners, he wouldn’t call me back after the third date, but I’d be fine with just the handful of times we’d have together where he would talk about behind-the-scenes anecdotes from the cult hit, “Heathers.”
Robert Downey, Jr.
RDJ is just one of those male powerhouse celebrities that could make you do anything with just a simple glance. He’s got that swagger to him that indicates a power, but that there’s also a hidden vulnerability. He’d probably wow me with his well-read intellectual persona, but then say something borderline crude; that’s okay, I’m too consumed by his half-smile and his studliness to care. (Did I mention I’d be holding his upper-arm “guns” the entire time?)
VV is the only guy who can make catty comments about my sister, ask me to grab him a beer while I’m in the kitchen and make me watch sports with him for hours and I would still love him. He’s got this external layer of douchebaggery that’s really just protecting his genuine, loving core. Watch him in any movie he’s made, ever and there’s always that point where he reveals that inner layer and you believe him – and you swoon, just like I do every time.
I’ll admit. I’m a sucker for accents, and I think a large portion of the female population can agree with me. There’s this bad boy prankster-vibe to JL that makes you feel like he’d have a cheeky back-and-forth with you over something rather pointless, and then sweep you off your feet at the classiest restaurant in all of London. Then we would be whisked away by his private jet (I’m just assuming he has one, I mean he was in practically every movie in the year 2008) and I would say, “What about Sienna Miller?” and he’d reply, “Who?” and we would just laugh and laugh and laugh.
I know what you’re thinking. “Really Julia, really? This is more like my MOTHER’S list than a list taking place in the year 2010.” Well I’ve got one thing to say to that: Go home, watch Walk the Line and then watch real clips of Johnny Cash and you’ll understand quickly that the division between JC and Joaquin Phoenix’s portrayal was so dead on, that they practically morphed into the same being. I only list JC instead of JP because, for a guitar-strumming dreamboat like that, you want the real thing.
I’m just gonna say this one time: Jack White is a gift. He is a gift to us from the Rock gods and the Acting gods and the Good-Looking-While-Doing-Practically-Everything-But-Especially-While-He’s-Holding-A-Guitar gods. He has been sent to earth to make women like me swoon over the simplest thing. In “It Might Get Loud” he makes a guitar out of a tin can in the opening scene, and I was a puddle – just melting with my admiration for him. He’s one of those guys that can do pretty much anything, get arrested for something serious, get married to some famous actress, move to some other country and I will always follow him with my red-white-and-black themed devotion.
Shia’s celebrity arrest exists in a kind of Troublemaker Renaissance in which his mild infraction would bring more good than bad (publicity-wise). You can tell by his mug shot alone, that he’s mildly frustrated by the situation but more amused than anything to recount the tale of his arrest to as many beautiful women his young twenty-something self can engage in conversation. I wouldn’t be one of those women, I would be his girl friend he’s put in the friend zone but would still be hearing his tales because he was bored and needed someone to talk to, all the while pining for that moment when he realizes he’s in love with me. Ahhhh Shia.