Harsh Tokyo Train Rules
In Japan, if you’re traveling, you’re riding a train; and if you’re riding a train, you need to know the rules.
Luckily, the Metro system of Tokyo has created these helpful posters explaining the most common offenses. Not laws, but polite suggestions to “Please Do It At Home, The Beach, etc.” They feature the lovable “Tokyo Train-Zombies” who feed on the brains of those who fail to follow the laws of the underground.
Here are the top-ten you need to be aware of when in Tokyo.
Sure, door surfing may look like good fun, but it’s the quickest way to leave you open to train-zombie attack. Those doors will hold you as tight as a pair of chopsticks, while the metro employees are left cleaning up what’s left of your lower extremities.
You didn’t have time to curl your lashes before work, so you think, “I’ll just do it on the train.” One bump of the tracks, your lashes are gone, and you’re looking at a curly, dangling eyeball in your lap. Guess who loves curly eyeballs? Train-Zombies.
Reading is rampant in Japan, and while it’s okay to read on the train, best not to flaunt that ability too much. You’ve been warned.
It should go with out saying, but pushing your lover to their death is something that should be done at the beach, not on the tracks of the Tokyo Metro System.
Japan is a country of humility and shame. Thus, you should never outwardly express love, or any other emotion for that matter, while riding the Metro—especially not in front of a lonely cripple.
Attempting to trip train-zombies will only anger them further.
Using an umbrella-piston defense technique is also ineffective. If you’ve broken a rule, simply exit the Metro and head outside to safety.
Getting in a few practice swings before your golf meeting with that big client? Better call your secretary and let her know you’ll be late—very late.
You drank a bit too much at the party and decide to sprawl out and take a rest on the comfy seats of the Metro. Well, rest in peace, friend.
Drinking party on the train, or a massacre in the making? The cold, dead eyes tell you the answer. Please, do it at the pub, for your own good.