Has Animal Planet Proven Mermaids Are Real?

Not long ago, I was thrown off my boat during a storm and was saved by a beautiful woman who sang to me. I would search for that woman, that voice, and even dated a girl who reminded me of her but didn't say anything during our entire romantic boat ride. Long story short, I eventually found her, and just before we were married, the conch shell around her neck shattered and I found that that girl from earlier was the singer all along! but the girl I was about to marry was a sorceress who had stolen the first girl's voice. Short story back to being long, the girl I was about to marry was a sorceress so me and the singer murdered a giant version of her and then got married and things were pretty great!


little mermaid nes
Here's a picture of my wife racing to the ceremony in the NES game based on my wedding.
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In any event, I will finally be able to prove I'm not to be insane recently by Animal Planet, who aired a special entitled Mermaids: The Body Found. In it, evidence was presented such as audio clips of mysterious and complex animal calls, small spears collected from the bodies of sharks, and even a cell phone video that actually shows a real-life mermaid.

WARNING: This mermaid is not hot.

Well, okay. So it's fake. God damn it. You can easily tell here because when we do discover the real-life monsters of myth, the first evidence is going to be grainy and boring, not a color-corrected video with expert pacing and jump scares.


alien still
Whoa, the existence of aliens has been proved by renowned cinematographer Derek Vanlint!
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It feels sort of unfair to real science that we're just making stuff up, presenting it as a real documentary, and then doing what Mermaids did— adding a brief "Hey this whole thing was made up copyright 2012" title card at the end before photoshopping more Avatar-level mermaids into still images of underwater.


more mermaids
You guys seriously look like you were rendered out on a Nintendo Gamecube.
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Do you think mermaids exist though? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

 


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