Highly Surprising Japanese Beauty Products

Japanese people have pretty specific taste when it comes to beauty: white sixteen year old girls with giant eyes who giggle while they sword fight. WIth that in mind you'd think beauty products would be very predictable in Japan, but boy are they not. Most of these completely baffle me:

 

The Neck Stretcher

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Tired of your neck being either too short or not wide enough? Then this device is for you. I want a two and a half foot-long, three foot wide neck so I can use it to catch footballs.

 

Face Slimmer

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The only Japanese beauty product clearly mass produced in hell and sold exclusively to serial killers, this terrifying mask allows you to slim your face while at the same time murdering teenagers who picked the wrong lake to go camping at.

 

The Crap From A Nightengale

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Japanese women often recklessly slather their faces in sh*t from a bird because they believe it lightens and evens their complexion. What they don't know is that this tradition originally began when, for a brief period in the 16th Century, a Nightengale who hated women became the Emperor.

 

Pink Nipple Cream

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Did you know that women with pink nipples  make 17% more on average than women with brown nipples? No, you didn't know that, because it's not true. Still, for 200 yen you can change the color of your nipples, which I would recommend if more marriages between brown nippled people end in divorce than marriages between pink nippled people... which they don't.

 

Collagen Marshmallows

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Eiwa Brand Collagen Marshmallows are just like having a doctor inject collagen into your lips, except way more fun. For an amusing gag, replace the marshmallows on your buddy's camping trip with Eiwa Brand Collagen Marshmallows and get ready to be strangely aroused by him when he comes back with giant, tantalizing lips.

 

What other Japanese beauty products just the greatest? Let us know in the comments!

 

Check Out The Things From The U.S. That Japan Is Obsessed With!