How To Avoid Wearing A Bikini In Public
If you’re anything like me, your winter consisted of eating and hibernation. That’s one way to live, but now it’s summer, and you’re supposed to go around showing your stomach to people. Whoops. Here are some ways to avoid wearing a bikini in public.
Bury Yourself In Sand
This is a perfectly acceptable beach activity that doubles as a practical fat-roll-hiding technique. Plus, everyone wants to talk to the buried-in-sand kid. Popularity!
Be Wet Always
If you’re wet, you need a towel; everybody knows that. So just keep running back and forth from shore to sea, and you’ll be seen as active and spontaneous. And if you’re in motion, their brains won’t be able to register the cellulite.
Get A Job
Even lifeguards get to wear one-pieces, and most of the working class doesn’t have time to go to the beach on a regular basis. Tell everyone you have to work; then go tanning in a deserted cove.
Declare A Themed Beach Day: Downton Abbey
Who doesn’t love a themed beach day? I wish we had more of those. When you show up in a petticoat, it’s just because you don’t want the Dowager Countess to write you out of her will.
Play DJ Of The Sands
Have you seen those fanny pack boombox things? Kinda cool, and they cover up all the right places! Dance like everybody’s watching… because they probably will be if you’re wearing a fanny pack boombox.
Only Sunbathe In Restaurants
No shirt, no shoes, no service! What do you expect? Yay, now it’s time to eat.
How else can you get out of wearing a bikini? Let us know in the comments!