How Different Nintendo Characters Celebrate New Years

2012 is over and we're all haunted by another full year of regret, which can only mean one thing: New Year's! I plan to celebrate New Year's by burning down everything tying me to this sleepwalk of a life, driving far away to begin anew as a lion tamer, and never looking back. The only thing I plan to bring with me is my sweet video game collection. Let's see how Nintendo characters celebrate New Year's!

 

Donkey Kong

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Almost nothing is funnier than a monkey in a tuxedo, which makes Donkey Kong's annual New Year's Eve party one of the hottest events of the year. Sure, the guy tells the same stories every year, and he always tries a little too hard to pick up chicks (literally), but that's part of what makes him so lovable. Still not convinced you should try to sneak into DK's party? Three words: strippers in barrels.

 

Samus Aran

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The most sexually frustrated night of the year is not a good night to be the only girl in your social circle. Samus got so sick of her fellow bounty hunters all taking turns hitting on her that last year she told them she was heading to the kitchen for a glass of water, but instead turned into a Morph Ball and escaped through the sink. This year, she's planning on telling everyone she's on a mission, when actually she's just eating chocolate-covered pretzels and watching TV in her living room.

 

Wario

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Wario doesn't get why no one invites him to New Year's parties. He also doesn't get why people don't find his constant farting funny. This year, sick of being left out, Wario will throw the worst-attended New Year's party in history, consisting of him and Waluigi playing board games alone. At around 11, Waluigi's gonna start yawning a lot, then say he's super tired and should probably head home. He'll go to DK's.

 

Link

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Link is always stuck being the designated driver. He doesn't mind, though. Link's just a chill guy. Give him a Sprite.

 

Mario

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Make ABSOLUTELY SURE Mario doesn't have access to his phone on New Year's. Peach is always at this formal thing at her castle, and Mario's too close with his buddies to bail on them. He always has too much to drink and starts some texting drama with Peach, who he's always "just going through some stuff with right now." Last year was a mess. He kept shouting, "WHAT IF I HAD MORE COINS? WOULD I BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU THEN???" and punching bricks. In his defense, gold coins did pop out of a few of them, but that's still super not cool.

 

Mew

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Don't fall for Mew's BS. If you know anything about Mew, you know he's 1. almost never seen in public, and 2. super adorable. It's just an act. Really, he just thinks he's too cool for parties. He makes an exception for New Year's, though, because of how willing everyone is to kiss him. Don't kiss him. He'll slip you some tongue.

 

What are you doing for New Year's? Let us know in the comments!

 

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