How To Drink Soda (If You Have OCD)
I love soda more than most.
Maybe it’s just my OCD or my fear of germs that causes me to get my soda in a certain way.
I prefer fountain soda and I have my favorite store to get it from.
I believe I've worked out a plan to obtain my soda that puts me in contact with the least amount of germs generated by the general public having access to the same soda fountain.
First, I never take the first cup.
When choosing a cup from the sleeve of cups that are offered I take the third or fourth cup from the end. I believe this will minimize the chances of getting sick from the germs left by the last person to grab a cup.
Then, before I get my soda I get my ice.
If you try to add ice to a cup that is already filled with soda you are likely to have some splashing or overflow.
I also choose my lid very carefully.
This is where most of the germs are spread so I choose the lid right in the middle of the stack of lids, since this lid has the least likelihood of having been touched and place back in the stack.
Straws are next on the list, and I make sure never to take a straw that's offered to me.
I like to look under the counter for an un-opened box of straws. I just don’t trust the ones that had been sitting out there all day. I like to get a fresh straw that has never been touched.
When all of that's taken care of I like to wrap an napkin around the bottom of the cup.
The bottom of the cup seems like the most likely infiltration point for any germs.
I know this might seem like a lot to do just to get a soda, I know it seems like I might have a problem, that I might be germaphobic, but I assure you that couldn't be further from the truth. If I was germaphobic, then why would be living inside this giant plastic bubble and only willing to eat food served to me through a tiny slot in the bubble that's been sprayed with a powerful aerosal ammonia?