How To Dump Someone (Using Modern Technology)

Thanks to modern technology breaking up is easier than ever before! Back in the day you had to break up with someone by meeting up with them in person and telling them, or if you were rich, sending your servant to their tell servant to tell them. No more! Now there are all sorts of ways to break up with someone using our highly advanced futuristic technologies.

 

Text Message

Always remember to add a smiley face at the end of the message, to soften the blow.

 

Skype

Skype allows you to cover your face with a humorous Avatar, that way the girl or guy you broke up with will always remember the silly Elvis face you superimposed on yourself and not the fact that you admitted you cheated on them with a cocktail waitress outside of a truckstop.

 

E-Greeting

With tons of fabulous breakup cards to choose from, nothing says "I no longer want to be with you," like an E-Greeting. And for an extra $1 you can add an E-restraining order if you are worried that your breakup will send them over the edge and make them come for you.

 

Chat Roulete

If you keep telling them to go on chat roulette long enough the odds are that someone will break up with them for you.

 

A Furby

Furbys can be reprogrammed to say anything you want. Just leave it on their car windshield when they're in the store. That way no one gets hurt.

 

Nanotechnology

Why go through all the trouble of a messy breakup when you can send a swarm of microscopic robot flies into their ear to crawl all over their brain eliminating their memory that you were ever in a relationship in the first place? Easy peezy Japanesy.

 

The Matrix

Everybody wins when, instead of telling them you don't want to see them anymore, thanks to advances in modern technology, you can create a computer generated alternate reality for them to live in where you never broke up, you get married, have kids, and grow old together. All you have to do is spend hundreds of millions of dollars on the machinery, electricity required to power the simulation, and protein gruel to feed their unconscious body while their mind goes on living its life inside the simulation. Sure it's a lot of work, but it beats the heck out of confrontation.

 

What other modern technology could you use to break up with someone? Let us know in the comments!

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