How to Get on Santa’s Naughty List
Despite what your parents may have told you, Santa IS real, and he’s making a list. You could be nice… but you could also be naughty. What’s a lump of coal compared to some wholesome holiday fun? Here are a few ideas for getting on Santa’s sh*t list. Proceed with caution!
12. Tell Him He’s Your Baby Daddy
This one’s for you, ladies! Santa visits so many houses on Christmas Eve that he can’t possibly remember them all. Give him a holiday surprise by telling him he left more than presents in your stocking last year.
11. Key His Sleigh
Even Santa can park like a douche. The next time he blocks in your car, share your thoughts by keying his sleigh with a few choice holiday phrases, like SUCK IT, SANTA!
10. Pants Him
Yeah, it’s really third-grade, but it’s still firetrucking funny, especially when you do it in front of a couple of betties. He’ll wish he’d worked on that round little belly that jiggles like a bowlful of jelly…
9. Tell Your Little Brother That Santa Died
It’s kind of fun to spoil a little kid’s Christmas by telling him Santa isn’t real, but it’s HELLA fun to tell him Santa’s dead.
8. Punch Him in His Junk
If Santa filled your stocking with oranges last Christmas, get him back with a hard below-the-belt punch. Sadly, there will be no Christmas fun for Mrs. Clause this year…
7. Kill & Eat Rudolph
Venison is delicious. Why not stew some up for Christmas dinner?
6. C*ck-Block Him
Santa gets all the hot chicks—but not this year. The next time you see him under the mistletoe with a smokin’-hot babe, walk over and introduce yourself. The girl will probably thank you. Who wants to kiss a guy who wears velvet and looks like a “right jolly old elf”?
5. Email Him Cute Christmas Kitty Pix
Christmas Lolcats are super cute, so email him 20 or 30 a day. Stick with pix that are at least 2 mgs each.
4. Post Embarrassing Pictures of Him on His Wall
In all fairness, if Santa is going to expose himself, he’s going to have to expect someone will expose him on the interwebs…
3. Accuse Him Of Inappropriate Behavior
Who hasn’t sat on Santa’s lap and thought something was a little…off? Get him back by telling the police (or your dad) that Santa touched you. It’s a little white lie, but you’ll be helping future generations of little boys and girls.
2. Give Him the “Twilight” Boxed Set for Christmas
If you do this, you won’t get a Christmas present for the rest of your life.
1. Treat Mrs. Clause To A Romantic Dinner
Since you know Santa won’t be home Christmas Eve, there’s nothing stopping you from getting to know the missus a little better… don’t forget the mistletoe!
Have you been naughty or nice this year? Tell us in the comments!