How To Have A Summer Fling
Countless summers I have spent at the beach scoping out everyone from the hot lifeguards to the guys donning boogie boards like their shields. And year after year I was always after one thing and one thing only: the perfect summer fling.
For years and years I have paraded myself around in the skimpiest bikinis and splashed around in the waves like a crazy Lindsay Lohan, thinking this would attract the summer fling of my dreams.
I was wrong. But I finally figured it out! I realized what I was missing to get all the boys… Balls.
You heard right, my friend. Balls. Boys love playing games. But they especially like ball games. Bring a football to the beach or a volleyball, and you'll attract all the hotties. They'll be bending over backwards to touch those balls. Balls will guarantee a hot summer fling.
There is one thing that boys like more than playing with balls, and that is a delicious mellon. So if you want to have a summer fling you're going to have to pay serious attention to your mellons. Watermelon and cantaloupe are good snack choices when packing your beach food. Sucking down a cold melon is the tits when you're spending a long hot day at the beach with your fling.
One other thing I've learned about having a summer fling on the beach is to watch out for crabs. Those pesky sonuvabitches, quite frankly can be irritating in more ways than one. Whenever I come in contact with crabs, I get all itchy, but I think it might just be because I'm allergic to shellfish.
Also, screaming like a wuss because a crab bit you isn't very hot.