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How I Know Santa Doesn't Exist

I’m really sick of this. I've suspended disbelief a LONG time, but it’s getting freaking obvious.

 

I Get Presents Even When I'm Not Nice

(source)

If there actually was a naughty and nice list, I’d have enough coal to fuel a large train.

 

Weather is NEVER An Issue

(source)

Is the sleigh weather proof? Pretty sure it has no roof. Don’t know how that would work during the Canadian portion of his trip.

 

You Can't Be In More Than One Place At A Time

(source)

Maybe he can get around the whole world in a night, but he definitely can’t be in thousands of malls all over the world AT THE SAME TIME.

 

Reindeer? REINDEER?

(source)

Reindeer are not known to be efficient modes of transportation, even on the ground.

 

Elves? ELVES?

(source)

Similarly, If you had to make THAT many toys…why would you hire elves who probably have tiny hands?

 

What About When There's No Chimney? What About THAT!?

(source)

Last time I checked, Apartment buildings don’t have chimneys.

 

Y U No Have Chimney Soot Everywhere?

(source)

Maybe Santa can “magically” fit down the chimney, but there’s no way he can avoid making a mess…does he bring a cleaning crew?

 

Unlisted

(source)

Can’t find his address listed anywhere. How do parents mail the lists?

 

My Dog 

(source)

My dog barks at the mailman but not a huge man dressed in red carrying a sack and shoveling cookies in his mouth?

 

He Ate These! 

(source)

Last year we gave him Fig Newtons and he ate them. I have a hard time believing that Santa would eat Fig Newtons.

Do you believe in Santa? Let us know in the comments!

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7 weeks ago

Why do people say to leave Santa milk when I always see him with a coke...........

7 weeks ago

Why do people say to leave Santa milk when I always see him with a coke...........

12 weeks ago

hah i love santa hes my role model
1. goes into litlle kids houses
2. eats all their cookies
3. leaves stuff under their tree
4. rides on magical creatures
5. hangs out with midgets

19 weeks ago

@blobby100 Then he would have been passed out on your sofa.

21 weeks ago

last christmas i left whiskey and rum cake for him

21 weeks ago

one year we gave santa beer wouldnt the police get on his ass about drinking and flying?

21 weeks ago

It's called magic you dumbass, have you learned nothing from Harry Potter?

21 weeks ago

Is Santa not real?:(
Hahaha I stopped believing in him when I was 6 years old I saw my mom sneak in my room and give me toys I wanted so badly to see him that I woke the whole night and then it was just my mom :-( sorry 4 my bad English

21 weeks ago

Santa leaves soot at my house....the first part of Christmas morning is vacuming so it doesnt gt everywhere

21 weeks ago

Santa is real!!! He leaves presents to show that Jesus loves us good or bad (also to celebrate Jesus birthday) and that being good brings us rewards. Plus Santa has always gave away presents.

21 weeks ago

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21 weeks ago

What's wrong with fig newtons?

21 weeks ago

Fig Newtons are delicious!

21 weeks ago

Whats up with u people? its justa stupid kid holiday :) also, he is not real cuz wouldn't the reindeer poop on ur roof when they land?

21 weeks ago

If Santa were real, Santa would be a pedo. He knows when ur sleeping, he knows when ur awake, he puts u on a list, he gives u wat u want if uv been a good little boy or girl, and eats ur food.

21 weeks ago

Woooo go fig newtons awful Wat the firetruck is wrong with u ppl forget bout Santa and think about baby Jesus in his little ghost manger above......

21 weeks ago

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21 weeks ago

HEY SMOSH FIG NEWTONS ARE FUCKIN AWESOME!!!!

21 weeks ago

Santa (If he were real) is a creepy stalker. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake. He breaks into your house, steals all of your cookies, and leaves mysterious presents that he probably stole from poor little orphan children. He is really just a concept made up to scare children into being perfect little angels all year long.

21 weeks ago

MY apartment has a chimney :P

21 weeks ago

He has a portal gun to travel to places, he goes up your toilet instead of going down your chimney if you don't have one. at least thats what someone told me. But not the portal gun part.

21 weeks ago

I used to believe in Santa once, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

21 weeks ago

I used to believe in Santa once, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

21 weeks ago

Santa? Yeah right. I haven't believed in him since I was like , 17 or something...

21 weeks ago

The worst present I ever got from Santa was a DAMN telescope!

21 weeks ago

Ahh! i can contridict everything that was just said above.....

Picture/Comment 1: Maybe you were so bad that coal wasn't even enough for the bad things that were done! D:

Pic/Comm. 2: Who knows, the media only draws Santa with a opened roof sleigh, but it doesn't mean he doesn't have a covered one that can be wind resistant.

Pic/ Comm. 3: That's why them old peeps help him out by being in the mall, DUH! They make his job easier!!

Pic/Comm 4.: Again, he can be more modern about thi

21 weeks ago

he doesnt use elvs he uses slaves

21 weeks ago

For Santa to deliver presents around the world in one day,he would have to go to 800 houses every second

21 weeks ago

no! do not believe in santa claus he steals the true meaning of Christmas and i hate him

21 weeks ago

i legit just made a vlog on this. i don't because i'm both jewish and catholic. one year hanukkah came before christmas, and i got DS Lite from SANTA. later on i received a DS game from my aunt as a late hanukkah gift, which my family had received a while earlier.

suspicious? yes. coincidence? i think not

21 weeks ago

He's a teleporting teleporting teleporting fat guy!

21 weeks ago

He's a teleporting teleporting teleporting fat guy!

21 weeks ago

And he uses slaves!

21 weeks ago

Yep

21 weeks ago

Obviously Santa has a Portal gun! :D

21 weeks ago

NO I don't.

lol when i was little i always wondered what he did when there was no chimney XD

And I always wondered why i NEVER got coal even when i fought with my siblings :/

1ST !!!!