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How Justin Bieber Defends Himself From Rabid Fans
Justin Bieber tried to do some shopping at the Fairview Park Mall in Kitchener, Ontario this week when hundreds of teen girls began flocking around him. They descended on him and could not be stopped. A normal celebrity would have been terrified and unable to defend themselves, but Bieber has more than a few tricks up those Bieber-like sleeves to defend himself against the hoardes of teenage fans who wouldn't let him relax and buy sunglasses. First he:
1. Threw Up The Peace Sign
Signalling to the rabid teen girls that they should calm down and respect his privacy. But that did not work, it looked adorable and only made them more rabid for more Bieber, they descended on him, snarling and licking their chops just as he...
2. Leapt Onto A Nearby Bike
Running over as many as he could as he made his exit. But one of the teen girls was too quick, and whipped her ponytail into his spokes, causing him to crash his bike into an Orange Julius stand.
3. Karate Breakdancing
Bieber leapt off the charred remains of his bike and proceded to listen to the words of his idol, famed ex-teen hearthrob Jake Busey, "If you're ever trapped by hundreds of rabid fans in an Ontario Mall, karate breakdance until not a single one of them is left alive." Though many fans fell to his karate breakdancing, it was not enough, so he did what anyone in his situation would do next he...
4. Dressed Up Like A 1920's Style Flapper Girl To Trick Them
Unfortunately they were not tricked because he did it right in front of them, at which point he had no choice he needed to pull out one of the last tricks up his sleeve:
5. Firing High Levels of Toxic Radiation Out Of His Mouth
Few people know that Justin Bieber has the ability to fire high levels of toxic radiation out of his mouth at his enemies, but that is his most deadly final attack. These fans had scene him fell an army of oncoming fans at other malls, and came prepare wearing radiation-proof makeup and accessories. Desperate he...
6. Threw Up The Peace Sign Again
To no avail. There he was backed up against the mall fountain. He knew he was finished. He would have to sign autographs or perish under the onslaught of teen fan girls, when he turned to his left and spied a dolphin. In the nick of time he remembered the greatest weakness of all teen girls: cute animals, so he:
7. Threatened To Tear The Flippers Off This Dolphin If They Didn't Let Him Go
Instantly, they vanished in a puff of smoke, shrieking that they had been defeated. Justin, victorious, dusted off his bangs, got on his bike, took one last look back, and rode off into the Mall a free man. For now...
How would you defend yourself against rabid teen girl fans if you were Justin Bieber? Let us know in the comments!
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51 Comments
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PIKACHUSQUIRTLE...
4 weeks ago
If I was him, I would use Rebecca Black with a boombox.
PIKACHUSQUIRTLE...
4 weeks ago
If I was him, I would use Rebecca Black with a boombox.
PIKACHUSQUIRTLE...
4 weeks ago
If I was him, I would use Rebecca Black with a boombox.
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5 weeks ago
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antonela100
39 weeks ago
If I was Justin Bieber... I'd take a disney character and threatened the fans to kill him! lol (check out the picture of JB doing that: http://static1.purepeople.com/articles/2/46/51/2/@ /336585-justin-bieber-pose-avec-le-genie-et-637x0- 3.jpg)
Enii_michelle96
48 weeks ago
if i were i bieber i would just sing baby
without the aoutotune.
i'm sure that would make them run... D<
EpicPrimeTime
52 weeks ago
www.youtube.com/user/epicprimetime
EpicPrimeTime
52 weeks ago
www.youtube.com/user/epicprimetime
EpicPrimeTime
52 weeks ago
www.youtube.com/user/picprimetime
random123ABZ
64 weeks ago
@iliketokissasses123 JB sucks so DEAL WITH IT!!!!
iliketokissasses123
65 weeks ago
i have two words firetruck you
Bluepudding22
68 weeks ago
I'd whip my hair back and forth
Lucraies
72 weeks ago
and ever notice he hase peace... the wrong way around?
Lucraies
72 weeks ago
i have two words... FALCON PUNCH!!!!
Ivan62300
72 weeks ago
Poprocks you are GENIOUS!
smoshinskater
72 weeks ago
rofl the last one xD
kun-kun
73 weeks ago
How come Justin Bieber always has his hand on his crotch <-- (if thats how you spell it...)
poprocks132
73 weeks ago
Tell them I'm gay .
Then cut off all of my hair .
FreakyKitty
73 weeks ago
Bieber must die.
reymys6
73 weeks ago
i read nothing about his satanic powers to control tweens
unicornpancakemix
73 weeks ago
the 6ths picture he looks like ellen degeneres
Mitochondrification
73 weeks ago
The last trick won't work.
He hasn't got the strength.
Rexter101
73 weeks ago
1: I would sing the first 15 seconds of any one of my songs then I would suddenly stop to watch them suffer as they slowly melt and die.
2: I would open the vortex to the alternate dimension where
xpack23
73 weeks ago
@wolves11
Thats a real dolphin
Freakyman901
73 weeks ago
I wouldn't.
Mas19
73 weeks ago
I would've shown them my vagina.
666deidarakunmine666
73 weeks ago
A sword and a bottle of peppermint-mocha Kahlua mmm minty
jinton70
73 weeks ago
v
Humbleness51
73 weeks ago
Sing baby in front of them (without digitally enhancing his voice)
wolves11
73 weeks ago
the fans must b stupid for to reasons
1 they like JB
2 how he rip off stone flippers from a stone dolphin
kitten359
73 weeks ago
i wud take the girls off crazy pills.......and thats it there gone
halfpint182
73 weeks ago
Hit them with his handbag
missezula
73 weeks ago
He should run away like a little girl....'cuz he is :P
CraZZy96Angel
73 weeks ago
LOL
I'd just sing without any computer-y changes in my voice... That'd definitly make them run away!
comehither
73 weeks ago
id do every girl. oh wait... he hasn't hit puberty yet...
Nomnomnom:)
73 weeks ago
LMAO number 4 xD !!!!
Strilight
73 weeks ago
I'm sorry, but the 1920's Style Flapper Girl looks like Ian.
blackzblackz
73 weeks ago
i would just clean their ears and sing again...
rmxpokeman
73 weeks ago
LMFAO.
I'd release the hounds to dispose of fangirls.
liljuan
73 weeks ago
i would fart in front of every single girl and if that doesn't work i would call usher for backup.
BacktotheCupcakes
73 weeks ago
LOL thats awesome ♥
becca1803
73 weeks ago
is it just me or is his head to big for his body?? :)
Editor
73 weeks ago
@toady50 Thanks. We'll fix it.
toady50
73 weeks ago
You spelled "threatened" wrong in number 7
RAINBOWBLEH!...
73 weeks ago
Wow... Hahah
omnomnom:D
73 weeks ago
hahaha niice
FreakyKitty
73 weeks ago
Oh well.. 3rd! :D
FreakyKitty
73 weeks ago
SECOND!! :D
x_hope_x
73 weeks ago
*JB
x_hope_x
73 weeks ago
I don't understand why would any1 love GB