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How NOT To Cook Fish Sticks

Posted By: Chris D. on 09.10.10

I am not what one would call a gourmet. Not a gastronomical engineer nor a culinary specialist. My meals are usually ordered through a speaker in a clowns head of some sort.

I decide that I need to learn how to cook, bake, or at the very least make food hot in preparation for consumption. To that end I hit the grocery store and searched for a home made meal that wouldn’t tax my limited skills. I settled on fish sticks , best not to set the bar too high.

I got the fish sticks home and remebered that I needed tartar sauce. Whats in that anyway? Just mayo and pickles and some other stuff right, I can make that. I took the sticks out and read the directions on the box, heat in oven for bla bla bla.

I was already bored and thought that the crux of cooking was just applying heat. Who cares where it comes from, right?

That when I saw it, the toaster!

It works for pop tarts... why not this application. Why hasn’t this been done before, why not this method on the box. I think the fish people have a deal with the oven people.

Now onto the tarter sauce. A little mayo, a bit of relish and what else? I know it needs something else.

How bout those horsey sauce packets I got from Arby’s?

Something else, something crunchy. Baco bits! I love bacon, I love mayo.

Without boring you I will tell you of my findings.

1. The sauce was disgusting, although crunchy.

2. The tensile strength of fish sticks when place upright is greatly degraded. After 3 minutes, the oils in the fish turn the coating into little balls and the integrity of the whole stick is compromised.

3. When the sticks are cooked into a toaster said toaster is never the same and will always reek of hot fish oil.

4. When the toaster ejects the finished sticks all that emerges are thousands of tiny hot and oily crumbs. Its like a ticker tape parade but with steaming fish balls and the toaster is ruined forever.

I have learned many things from this incident, mostly that the cooking directions on a fish stick box are there for a valid reason.

I have also realized that the new toaster that I had to buy has wider bread slots and if I place a slice of cheese between two slices of bread I can cram said sandwich into that slot.

Let us know your worst cooking disaster in the comments!

Check Out The Famous Cheese Guy!

Tags: article, comedy, fish sticks, funny, humor, photos, pics, tarter saue

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48 Comments

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Shaiden

1 week ago

it doesn't work... it's a fake

Mattser6

1 week ago

You like fish sticks? LOL XD

faithpadillahecox

19 weeks ago

add me

(im epic)

48 weeks ago

ive one time made brownies for the first time :I and i forgot oil and put tenfoil over the top XD

Quakerassassin

49 weeks ago

I've never had a cooking problem but my sister once put cups of salt instead of tablespoons in some mashed taters

makayraa Rawrr

54 weeks ago

Long story short i forgot to take the plastic wrapper off of my popcorn. x3

rockr126

59 weeks ago

My biggest cooking fail happened last year i think. they were chocolate chip muffins. i'm the girl that bakes sweet treats in the family so i've disided to make some. after i made the batter, i taste

Miss.Awesome

73 weeks ago

Ha i guess my worst cooking fail was when i cooked popcorn for the time it said on the bag instead of the popcorn setting, Burnt the popcorn and smoked up the house.....i think the smoke killed one o

BobBarker7

75 weeks ago

@ Hinoki This is exactly what happened to me when I was like 8 or something. Man that Roast Beef was so crispy.

OnlineGamer360

79 weeks ago

Once i put wine in a frying pan and made wine-toast.

sgasher

83 weeks ago

Lol xD u shud try fireworks in the toaster! :D

TheGrudge

85 weeks ago

lolz, cinti_b4mv,how do uset popcorn on fire in the microwave?

killer_pizza_fairy27

87 weeks ago

when i was younger i had a dream of becoming a cook, so my favorite thing to make was, about half of our cupboard, mybe a bit of shampoo, playdough, mayo, fish, salsa, and IDEK wat else

phillipjfry

88 weeks ago

My neighbor put a rice crispy treat, which was still in the wrapper, into the microwave....it started sparking and probably would have caught fire if he didn't stop it. haha what an idiot XD

crazy noonga

88 weeks ago

one time i made savoury muffins, was ment to put them in 4 an hour but i forgot but them and left them in 4 4 hours strangely enuff they tasted pretty good

xfobwootx

88 weeks ago

are fish sticks the same thing as fish fingers?

Nytestalker

88 weeks ago

maybe you should start with salad...or cereal.

bib4eto656

88 weeks ago

I once tried to make cookies... what came out of the oven was a baked, sugary-salty mix. It was sad.

CircusDeOle&#33...

88 weeks ago

@millydeex What, the house melted?

millydeex

88 weeks ago

i had these microwave noodles, and you had to put water in them for them to cook properly

i forgot to put the water in. 6 minutes later the house was smoked out, smelt of burnt toast and it melted

XlongoX

88 weeks ago

haha, atleast u can make a sandwich in ur new toaster

CloMetal

88 weeks ago

ole house. ^.^

CloMetal

88 weeks ago

i put mini hashbrowns in the toaster once. they turned to like, hot potato mush that got stuck all in the bottem of the toaster... and then whenever we turned it on it caught fire and smoked up the wh

Mrsluijs

88 weeks ago

I was making a sorbet for myself, and i had to put molten marshmellows on it.
But my microwave was broken, so i put some in the toaster..
The toaster got on fire.. 0.o

leighwhite

88 weeks ago

I completely mucked up a pot noodle once. fml.

BruceJuice98

88 weeks ago

One time, i burnt water...

STUFFMAN387

88 weeks ago

my worst cooking fail was forgetting to put milk in my cereal :)

goodygoody425

88 weeks ago

I exploded an egg in the microwave

07pr12

88 weeks ago

i put a marshmellow in the microwave and it exploded all over the inside of it. i also tried boiling hot water in a glass bowl and it exploded. i didn't know that you can't use regular glass on stove.

roeyoboat

88 weeks ago

I am an awful cook. I was trying to boil water to make some tea or something, and I started this huge fire. Yeah. I started a fire trying to boil water.

smosh.awesome

88 weeks ago

259 clicks so far :D click to see the pictures http://www.sweetymarie.com/?id=689939

hey_whats_up?

88 weeks ago

lol niiice

FailedUsername

88 weeks ago

@hinoki the same thing happened to me except it was a Wendy's burger

hinoki

88 weeks ago

I once put an Arby's burger in the microwave with the foil wrapper still on it. Luckily I turned it off fast enough that our microwave was okay, but the top of my burger was burnt to a crisp. :(

Aphroditeeeeee

88 weeks ago

well i ones warmed up on the oven a food that was on a a plastic bowl ... the weird is that it was deformed but not where the soup started hehe i told my mom i did a better design of the bowl

YGOParodyDatabase

88 weeks ago

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmm

underscoresnotdashes

88 weeks ago

I'm full of fail. With popcorn and posts.

Cheers.

underscoresnotdashes

88 weeks ago

Comments cut off. Firetruck.

Long story short: Popcorn + my microwave = perfect in three minutes.
Friends microwave + popcorn = huge black smoldering ball in three minutes.

A black ball of "po

underscoresnotdashes

88 weeks ago

Hm, my worst thing for 'cooking' was making popcorn at a friends house at 1:30 at night. We were still in high school then (and i've been out for a few years now.) so this was while her parents were s

mmmmm1

88 weeks ago

failzzzzzzzzz

Elolzabeth

88 weeks ago

Oh, I didn't realize this was at text message and was only allowed to use 140 characters.

Elolzabeth

88 weeks ago

Oh NO! That's the worst! I would hate to lose my toaster (which is Hello Kitty themed) to fish sticks.
I once put a little microwaveable bowl/meal thing in the microwave without removing the metal t

lindzo13

88 weeks ago

third darn

smoshgirl217

88 weeks ago

lol