How Superheroes Deal With Depression

Even superheroes get depressed. The blues hit us all, and all of us have different ways of dealing with it. Some of us take a walk to clear our heads, some us get drunk, run naked to the park, and chase squirrels while screaming at them, "So you think you're better than me?!" The point is, we all have our copoing mechanisms. So how do superheroes deal with depression?

 

Spiderman

spider blues

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Spiderman builds himself a web in a quiet spot away from everything, catches stray dogs and cats in his web, poisons them with venom from his abdomen, then spins a web around them until they're decomposed enough to have liquified, and consumes them while reading "Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul."

 

The Hulk

hulk smash sad

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Hulk smash. Hulk smash until Hulk OK.

 

Ant Man

crap ant man

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Ant man is always depressed, because he is Ant Man, and that is a depressing thing. So he just stumbles around in a haze, or rides around on ants, being all sh*tty and sad.

 

The Human Torch

torch all sad

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The Human Torch puts on Kanye West's extraordinarily personal track "Runaway" on repeat, gets himself a big bowl of a ice cream, and relates.

 

Superman

super masturbate

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When Superman gets low he does what anyone would in his position, he jerks off and ejaculates so hard he blows off the top of a mountain. That pretty much always sets him right again.

 

Iron Man

iron man rosebud

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Billionaire Tony Stark, powerful super hero, genius, captain of industry, sits inside his attic, full of all sorts of odds and ends, and cradles a tiny sled he used to ride as a boy, whispering to himself over and over again, "Rosebud," in a vain attempt to call back a childhood that was and can never be again.

 

Batman

batman dubstep dance

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When Batman gets the blues he hits the nightclub circuit, rips his shirt off, and dances until his heart is full again.

 

How do other Superheroes deal with depression? Let us know in the comments!

 

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