How to Tell if your Life is a Video Game

Video game characters aren't aware that they're being manipulated by a controller when they run and jump and use plasmids. They think they're just going about their mission, unaware they're being manipulated by a controller. They ultimately have no free will, only what you, their God-like puppet master, tell them to do. So who's to say you too aren't being manipulated by forces unseen? It's a scary proposition, but here are some warning signs to look out for when determining whether or not your life is a video game. .

 

You're always taking cover

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I feel like, any time I run by a roughly waist-high fountain of barricade I take cover, which tells me either the kid playing the game that is my life doesn't know not to always hold down the A button or my life game's cover system is kind of broken and IGN would give it a 7/10.

 

You have to climb complicated structures to get anywhere

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It seems like a lot of work to climb for forty-five minutes just to get to Subway. On the other hand, it is FebruANY where all the subs are 5 dollars, and the mirror-reflecting light puzzle you have to complete to lower the platform isn't that hard.

 

You only get calls on your Codec

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The worst part about having a small radio wired directly into the small bones of your inner ear is that you can't avoid calls from your friends that are moving this weekend.

 

Your conversations have clear Good, Evil, and Neutral choices

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In real life, conversations can have a grey area. In video games, the whole conversation process is well-defined and saying evil things causes your goatee to grow faster.

 

Your local BevMo sells Red Potion

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Of course, they're always out of blue potion. I don't even know why I go to BevMo anymore.

 

You've ever seen a barrel

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Did you know that barrels actually don't exist in real life? They were literally invented by video game designers to be jumped over, exploded, or thrown into walls to open bonus areas.

 

Turtle monsters keep stealing your girlfriend

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Around the fourth time your girlfriend is abducted by this creature, it's time to either accept the fact that your life is a video game or have a serious talk about your relationship.

What makes you think your life is a video game? Let us know in the comments below!

 

Check out Why Are Princesses In Video Games So Crappy At Defending Themselves?