How To Throw A Pool Party (At Someone Else’s House)
Ah, nothing says summer like a pool party. But what if you don’t have a pool? Well, you can either miss out on all the fun or glance over at your neighbor’s pool and follow the next few helpful hints.
1. Determine if this will be a “surprise” pool party
By “surprise,” of course, we don’t mean for your guests. We mean for the people who actually own the pool. Will you tell your neighbor you’re having a pool party at his place or wait until he’s either away or too bedridden to stop you? Will you say the party is in his honor or that he can’t come because he didn’t respond to your evite? Will you bring everyone to the pool at once or sneak them in one at time until your neighbor realizes there are 150 half-naked people in his backyard, each with a beer funnel?
2. Decide how many friends, family, clients and pets your neighbor’s pool can hold
There are two sides to this. One is “you don’t want to take undue advantage of neighbor’s pool.” The other is “pool.” You also have to decide if you want a small gathering of close friends or just enough people for Google satellites to mistake your party for the population of Texas. Of course, the final number of invites can easily be determined by the size of your neighbor’s pool, your disregard for pool safety and if your neighbor has anything—like a hot tub, bathtub or easily flooded lawn—that can quickly be converted into even more pool.
3. Acquire pool owner’s pool supplies
Since you don’t have your own pool you clearly can’t be expected to have your own pool games or toys or towels or lounge chairs or beverages. And clearly anyone who DOES have a pool will also have the right pool party music, in addition to a stereo system with outdoor speakers or extra long cord. And what pool owner wouldn’t have extra swimsuits for your guests? And if they have a pool, music and swimsuits then obviously they must also have a car you can use to pick up more guests. Naturally, this can go on and on until you’ve replaced their name on their mailbox with yours.
4. Ask each guest to bring something from the pool owner’s fridge
By now you’ve probably realized you may have crossed a line when it comes to your neighbor’s possessions. But before you ponder the moral and legal ramifications consider this—“Does my neighbor own a grill?” Because if they do that means they almost certainly have hot dogs, hamburgers and a whole host of food items in their unlocked freezer. So ask each guest to bring an empty tray they can use to help carry food from the neighbor’s kitchen to their pool. Otherwise you’ll end the night with a whole bunch of your neighbor’s dishes you’ll have to wash out of guilt and evidence.
5. Choose a party theme
Why choose a theme after everyone’s arrived, the food’s been served and the party’s already started? Because often a party will decide its own theme. Will it be “Guys Compensating for Their Massive, Crippling Insecurities by Getting into a Fight over a Spilled Drink”? Will it be “This Party Is the Perfect Place to Have a Long, Loud, Overly Detailed Argument about Our Relationship”? Or will it be “Everybody Be Cool for Once and Maybe We Can Convince the Homeowner the Car Was Already in His Pool When We Got Here”?
6. Announce pool safety rules
True, this is something you should have done earlier. But you don’t have a pool so what do you know about this sort of thing? Still, best to lay down a few ground rules like “Don’t roughhouse in the pool.” “Don’t run around the pool.” “Don’t use the pool as a bathroom when the rose bushes are right over there.” “Don’t use any part of the house or nearby trees as a diving board into the pool.” “Don’t take off any clothes unless it’s night or you do that professionally.” And so on.
7. Invite the pool owner to the pool party
Once the party’s been in full swing for several hours or days, it’s time to invite the pool owner. After all, as host it would’ve been rude for you to ask them to be involved in any initial planning or prior knowledge of the party. Instead, simply walk them around their own backyard, proudly pointing out the world’s longest Slip ‘n Slide courtesy of all their bed sheets, curtains and wallpaper. Or the giant volcano you made using baking soda, vinegar and all the topsoil from their garden. And make sure to stress that each one of these wondrous items is named in their honor.
Sometimes neighbors just don’t get along. You try to be welcoming. You try to create a festive, happy environment. And yet despite all that you’re met only with screams, cops and pointed guns while people throw around such terms as “clinically insane” and “four to six without parole.” But that’s okay. Someday you’ll find the ideal neighbor who understands your upbeat attitude, and who has a pool... and maybe a tennis court. And maybe jetpacks. Oh man, imagine how much fun you’d have with your neighbor’s jetpacks when they’re away?! Ah yes, good times are indeed ahead...
Do you have any other tricks for throwing a pool party when you don't have a pool?