How To Work Twitter

As much as you claimed you’d never get sucked into it, Twitter has eaten your life, too. Any downtime, momentary boredom, or mildly exciting occurrence has you checking, posting, and LOL-RT’ing. But what are we all really saying, anyway? Is it just superficial chatter, or is there something much deeper at play here? Let’s deconstruct Twitter together.


RT = Look At My Sense Of Humor. Look At It!

tweet means rt mindy


What a useful tool, the RT. All you have to do is follow a bunch of funny people, curate their best one-liners, and voila, your friends think you’re funny by association! Did anyone ever tell you that you should do stand-up? Because you should!


“You’re At ___? Me, Too!”

tweet means stalker tomkat


If you didn’t invite this person to the place with you, why would you want them to find you? Well, I guess there are some people it’d be cool to bump into. But Twitter never seems to be the medium to facilitate interaction with the ones you’d WANT to see in person.


Inside Joke With Your @’s

tweet means inside joke


If you have to tag other people in your Tweet in order for it to be properly interpreted, then you’ve just Tweeted an inside joke. Or maybe even an inside FACT – the worst kind of inside joke. (“I’m at McDonald’s, @ally @abby!”) Please stop, it’s making the rest of us sooo jealous.


Contribution To A Joke Trending Topic

tweet means joke topic


If you find yourself contributing to a joke trending topic, look at your life, look at your choices. Is there something else you could be doing right now? Yes, there are still disadvantaged people in the world. Go help them.


Hashtag Funny Subtext #weseeyou

tweet means hashtag subtext


Practically a staple of every original tweet, the subtext hashtag indicates a well-thought-out tweet. Aka a Tweet that this person has been thinking about since yesterday and finally had the guts to post. Please RT it and make him/her feel loved/stand-up-worthy.


#FF = Love Me! Love Me!

tweet means joke topic


Follow Friday: another way of saying I KNOW PEOPLE! LOVE ME, PEOPLE I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW I KNOW! If your friends haven’t chosen to follow these people despite your carefully selected RT’s of their Twitter feed highlights, why would they want to see the rest of the bullhonkey that you wade through on a daily basis? Let’s be leaders, not followers, people. Go #FF yourself.


Can you tell us more about what Twitter behavior really means? Let us know in the comments, or tweet them at me at @jessicapoter!


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