I Accidentally Waterboarded Myself

I have horrible sinus issues marred with the fact that I’m allergic to just about every molecule that resides in the state of Arizona.

My medicine cabinet is the plethora of allergy pills and only relief that I have found aside from those pills is my Neti pot.

If you haven’t seen one, they look basically like a teapot... you fill it with hot water and a little salt then insert the tip into one side of your nose, tilt your head, and let the hot salty water run through your head. The water flows through one nostril, into your sinuses, and out the other nostril.

Not the most elegant looking way to clean your sinuses but is very effective and offers immediate relief from allergies.

The system works beautifully and has been my savior for years, but I was unaware that you should use the system when you have a head cold as your sinuses are blocked by mucus, which send the water flowing down into your breathing passage.

So as I stood over my bathroom sink and tilted my head after inserting the nozzle I begin to realize that I could not breathe.

I started choking and flailing around as I tripped on the bathroom scale and fell to the floor.

I thought about what my obituary might read, “Single white male was killed by terrorist tea pot. He was found lying on his bathroom floor completely dry and clutching a small teapot to his chest”.

I’m sure that my obituary will have a similarly ridiculous reason that I died but I dont want to be killed by my own sinuses. I coughed up a good amount of water and started breathing again.

I am amazed not only by the fact that I am a total and complete tool, but by the fact that I can waterbord myself with a five dollar plastic teapot I purchased at Walmart.

 

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